Heavy Hearted
by Jo Slater
Summary: When the family that exiled Ashk calls for her at her father’s deathbed, Ashk is torn between finding vengeance and finding peace where the past lies. Multichaptered
1. Chapter 1: The Message

**Title: Heavy Hearted**

**Author: Jo Slater**

**Summary: **When the family that exiled Ashk calls for her at her father's deathbed, Ashk is torn between finding vengeance and finding peace where the past lies.

**Genre: **Drama/Angst

**Rating: **PG

**Chapters:** Four

**Time:** About five months after Nethin - The twins are four.

**Heavy Hearted**

**Chapter One: The Message**

**November**

**Haldir**

I walked slowly from the hall as there was a knock on the door. My hand rubbed into my eyes as I pushed away the bleariness of sleep. I had only awoken a short time ago and the mere fact that it was long after dawn had thrown me off.

I opened the door to see Orophin and Litia standing in it's wake. Litia held a cooing Nethin while the twins stood between them.

Orophin frowned. "Did we wake you?" he questioned even as his eyes twinkled in amusement.

He and Rumil had volunteered to take the children for the previous night. It had been the third official wedding anniversary of Ashk and I. Our three children had not been included in the planning for such celebration.

"No," I replied, slightly hoarse as I squinted in the sunlight. "No, I was awake."

Litia and Orophin shared a brief look before returning their eyes to me.

"Ada, Uncle Rumil let us stay up all night," Ana informed me even as a yawn caught her voice.

I frowned. "He did?" My eyes cut to Orophin and Litia.

"I had no part in that," Orophin told me hastily, his hands raising in a well needed surrender.

I glared a moment before jolting as a cold hand touched my bare back.

"Good morn, Ashk," Orophin greeted, using her to escape from my wrath as I took a swaying Onduras into my arms. He did not even look at me much less say anything. He was exhausted.

"Good– What have you done to my children?" Ashk demanded, looking at Onduras in nothing less than horror.

"We have done nothing. Rumil apparently allowed them to stay awake as long as they wished," Litia told her. "Which happened to be all night."

"That– Oh, Ana, you are so tired." Ashk took our daughter into her arms and immediately looked to Nethin who gave her a toothless grin.

"You look quite tired yourself, my dear," Orophin said with a knowing smirk.

I gave him a look.

"And now we should probably take our leave," my brother added quickly.

"Let me put her to bed and I will take Nethin," Ashk said, a non-too-pleased look on her face as she turned away, muttering to herself or our daughter.

"Where is Rumil?" I asked seriously, wondering where my youngest brother would be in such a time when he knew better than to avoid me.

"...Sleeping," Litia provided as Orophin remained silent. Her blue eyes glanced down at Onduras. "I am sorry, Haldir. I knew we should have stayed with them for the night."

I huffed out a sigh, glancing down at my eldest son who had promptly fallen asleep on my shoulder. I just shook my head and turned away, murmuring for them to enter behind me as I put Onduras to his bedroom.

I returned to the common to see Ashk putting Nethin on the day bed and Orophin and Litia taking their leave. I bid them a brief goodbye before the door closed and the flet was silent once again.

My wife turned and jolted slightly when she found herself between my arms. I smiled down at her.

"Next year we will find more suitable overnight sitters," I told her.

She laughed slightly, resting her head on my chest as she closed her tired eyes.

"We should probably clean up the table," she murmured as I swayed, rocking her slowly back to sleep. "Never did get the chance to do that last night."

I smiled. "No - We were far too busy."

She laughed slightly, hiding her flushing face in my chest and making me laugh. She acted shy, though I knew better.

"We can clean up the table later," I told her, shuffling her towards the sofa. She gave a muted agreement and collapsed on top of me as I fell into the cushions. She shifted momentarily before settling and breathing with deep, tired breaths.

"Are we going back to sleep?" she murmured. "We cannot go to sleep with the baby awake."

I glanced to Nethin only to find him with his fingers in his mouth and his head turned towards me with his eyes closed.

"You can sleep. I will keep an eye on him."

"S-allright.."

I smiled and let her sleep.

**Noon**

When the door was next knocked upon the twins were stampeding through the hallway, screaming while Ashk was washing the dishes.

"Haldir, can you get the door?" she called as I walked out of the nursery with Nethin chewing on his fist in my grasp.

I walked through the common, depositing my son on his day bed before moving to the door.

I was shocked to see Celenas - a ward of the scout Denethil - standing in my shadow as I opened it.

"March Warden." She curtsied slightly.

I stepped outside, closing the door to a crack behind me as the children squealed and Ashk dropped something in the wash bin.

"I have a message to deliver," Celenas informed me and I glanced at the folded paper in her hands. Yet, when she did not give it to me, I looked at her in question.

She forced a meek smile. "I am afraid it is not for you, my Lord, but for your wife."

My head cocked to the side and a questionable frown washed onto my face. "Ashk?" I glanced at the paper again to attempt to find any sort of seal or brand on it. There was none and I could only frown further.

"Yes, my Lord."

I hesitated before I pushed at the door and peered inside.

"Ashk?"

I barely saw her shoulder as she turned before leaning around the corner to look at me. I motioned her to join me and she frowned, glancing at the children and wiping her hands against the apron around her waist.

"My Lady," Celenas greeted, curtsying slightly once more. "I have brought with me a message."

She offered the paper and Ashk paused, not taking the message as she glanced at me in uncertainty.

"It is for you, my Lady," Celenas told her gently. "It has come from the eastern most borders. My Guardian Denethil came by it only yesterday. I was appointed to bring it to you."

Ashk's face was dumbstruck for a long moment before she reached out a damp hand and took the paper.

"Thank you," she murmured softly, looking down at wrinkled and weathered charge in her grasp.

"You are most welcome. Should you need to relay anything to the borders, I will be leaving once more at dawn." Celenas curtsied once more before turning and leaving the landing with a quick walk to her step.

Ashk and I exchanged a look before my wife turned inside and shoved the letter into the belt of her apron.

"Are you not going to read it?" I asked, truly curious as to who would know to find Ashk in Lorien and be forced to send word by a messenger. As far as I was aware, her sister Ana and her husband were the only people who truly knew of Ashk's existence in Caras Galadhon to the outside world.

"I have dishes to finish," she replied, her voice a bit distant.

I did not argue, it was not my letter to read, and instead closed the door behind me and narrowly avoided one of Onduras's flying toys as there was a minor war going on in the common.

"What did I say about throwing things?" I demanded and both children immediately stopped.

"Not around Little Brother," Onduras recited.

"Not in the flet either," I added pointing at them both. "To your room."

"Whose?" Ana questioned innocently.

"Either of yours. Last one inside has to deal with the wrath of the beast!"

The twins sprang up with shrieks and dashed down the hall with me - the Elf who could easily transform into the Beast if either of his children did not do as they were supposed to - stomping close behind. I grabbed Onduras before he could run into his room and he squealed with giggles.

**Ashk**

I shook my head with a smile as I heard the twins and Haldir in our eldest son's bedroom. I glanced to Nethin who's eyes were wide as he stared down the hall.

"You will not be so wild, will you?" I asked. He looked at me, drawn by his mother's voice, before he cooed and fell back to grab his airborne toes.

I forced myself to finish with the dishes even as the letter in my waist seemed to burn and brand as it waited. I barely dried my hands before I snatched it free and meandered towards the common room, careful to step down as I opened the folded paper that was only sealed with pale wax.

The loopy handwriting inside immediately shocked me.

_My Dearest Ashk, _

_How long it has been since I have last seen you, my dear. I suppose I always expected you to come back for the longest time. Yet, with Ana's assurance, I know you will not. I know you are happy, and that is all that soothes me in the days of your silence and absence. _

_I have longed to write you, my dearest girl, but I have not known of your home for many years. It is only now I am able to send word and I take my joy in that. _

_Ashk, I send this message now not only because I can, but because it is my duty. You must know what happens here in Sarubrim . _

_Your father is dying. He was laid upon his bed only two days ago and Jarhel has confided in me that he doubts he will remain through the month. His ailment sends him deep into fever and there he murmurs your name, Ashk. I know he longs to see you again - One last time before he leaves this world that has torn us all apart. _

_Ashk, please, come home. _

_Please, forgive him enough to come to his last wish._

_All my love,_

_Mama_

"Ashk?"

Haldir's voice penetrated my mind even as I felt myself fall to the cushions of the sofa. My hand raised to cover my dry mouth and I blinked, trying to see the world beyond the glaring letters on the paper I held in a shaking hand.

I dimly heard Haldir saying something to the twins as my eyes drifted over the page.

_Your father is dying. _

_...come home._

"Ashk - Idril - What is it?" Haldir's strong hand rested gently on my back as he sat beside me.

Limply I handed over the letter to him. He was silent, reading it to himself, before he looked at me once more. I stared blindly forward, the voice of my mother rereading the words to me once again.

"Forgive him?" Haldir asked softly.

"How can I?" I heard myself murmur softly, replying to my mother and not to my husband.

Haldir's fingers drew against my cheek. "Ashk, look at me." I hesitated before doing so. He frowned slightly. "How long has it been since you last saw your father?" he asked me.

I thought on it a moment before looking away, pushing myself to a stand. "A few days before I came to Lorien that winter. Nearly five years now," I told him, crossing my arms over my fluttering chest.

He looked surprised when I glanced back to him. "Why did you never tell me?" he questioned. "I did not– I thought your parents had died, Ashk. I never knew you had become estranged from them in these years." His voice was full of concern and sympathy.

I wanted neither.

He stood but did not near me and I looked at him to see him gazing at the letter again.

He frowned, looking up at me with swarming eyes. "Why does she ask you to forgive him?" he said softly.

I turned away, closing my eyes only to see my memories once more.

"_I did not rear you as a damned whore!" _

"_Do you know who the father is?"_

"_What were you thinking?"_

"_Go on! See to your bastard alone - I will have no fatherless child here in my name. Oh, no. You get and see about that bastard and yourself! And don't you come back!" _

I opened my eyes and yet the memories did not fade.

"_Lady Shawe can see to this," he growled, grabbing my arm and pulling me towards the door. _

"_Daddy, no! No!" _

"_Ashk, you are not having some wild card bastard!"_

"_Stop calling him that!" _

_He released me as though I stung, flinging me back into a chair that rocked back in my weight. _

"_That is what he is!" he shouted at me. "Curse you, Ashk! I did not rear you as a damned whore!" _

"Ashk." Haldir's voice was gentle and when he brushed a thumb past my cheek and dried a single tear, I was surprised. "Tell me what is going on," he ordered softly.

I swallowed and took a breath, unable to meet his eyes. "My father exiled me, Haldir. When he discovered my pregnancy, he was furious. First he wanted me to see a woman who would...deal with it." I grimaced at the thought. "When I refused he said I gave him no choice. I was a whore - my child a bastard. We would not live under his name and home."

Haldir blinked when I looked at him. I could not see what he was thinking past the mask upon his face and eyes.

"And your mother?" he asked softly.

"My family was that of honor, Haldir. I had dishonored them both by what I had done; bringing a child without a father to name. She could do nothing. In her eyes, I had betrayed her, too."

"So you left," Haldir said to continue the hideous story.

"I ended up outside of Lorien a day or two later. You came after three, the rest is everything you already know," I said, turning away from him towards the cooing and giggling Nethin.

His hand grabbed my arm gently. "What are you going to do?" he asked.

I looked at him in question.

"Ashk, you mother has asked you to go home. Do you have no longing to see her at all?" His voice was quiet, trying to understand something even I did not.

"And face my father?" I muttered, mostly to myself.

"Settle old demons?" Haldir countered. When I did not reply, his fingers brushed my cheek. "Why did you never tell me your parents were alive? In Sarubrim of all places - A half day's ride from the borders."

"To them, Haldir, I was the daughter of no one." My voice wavered much to my own disgust and when I tried to walk away, Haldir only pulled me to him, embracing me into his chest where I smeared my unwanted tears.

"I do not want to go, Haldir."

"All right. It is all right, Ashk - You do not have to go. Don't cry, Idril. Please."

But, I did cry. I cried for the memories I had locked away and the voices I had left to become foreign to me. And I cried to the five years that had gone on without a single word from my family outside of Ana and her husband.

What loyalty did I owe them?

I owed them nothing.

**Evening**

**Haldir**

"So, she is just not going to go?" Orophin said with a deep frown on his face.

I shrugged my shoulders. "She does not want to. I am not going to force her to go," I told him.

I had no intentions on telling anyone of what had happened that afternoon and the message Ashk had gotten. However, when Orophin had dogged me on it for nearly an hour as I was attempting to let my confusion and frustration out on the training fields, I finally found myself giving in.

"I do not blame her," Rumil said suddenly and I spun to glare at him. I had not known he was near, much less listening in on the conversation.

"I have an issue to discuss with _you, _Little Brother," I growled, grabbing his collar and yanking him towards me. "What are you thinking letting children stay up all night?"

"Haldir, please let him go," Orophin said, wedging himself between us and shoving my hand away. "You can deal with that later. What are you going to do about Ashk?"

With a glare at Rumil, I turned my attention back to Orophin. "I will do nothing. She has made her choice," I replied sternly.

"Haldir, we of all people know very well what it is like to be without parents. Ashk has the chance to settle the rifts that tore her away from her own. Will you not encourage her to do so?"

"If it hurts her, most certainly not!" I replied. "You did not see her, Brother, she was heart broken by those people."

"Her parents," Orophin interjected.

"I do not care who they are," I growled back. "They made the mistake, they can live - and die - with it."

"They made a mistake both they and Ashk have lived with for five years, Haldir," Orophin reminded me. "What if one day she regrets never having one last chance to reclaim her family?"

I turned away from him, my hands bracing on my hips as I took a deep breath. "A family that abandoned her," I muttered.

"It was a hard situation, Brother. You know that. You yourself nearly left her more than once," Orophin told me quietly.

I turned to glare at him.

"The past is the past, but it did happen," Orophin warned me.

I scoffed, looking away from him with a scowl on my face.

"I agree with Haldir," Rumil said then. "This is Ashk's decision and she made it. Why reopen healed wounds?"

"It is obvious they are not healed," Orophin grumbled. "If she wept in the memories of it, it is obvious it still hurts her."

"And I am not forcing her to go to Sarubrim to be hurt again," I told him seriously. "She made her choice - I am in no place to force her to reconsider."

Orophin gave a giant sigh. "Very well, Haldir," he muttered. "If that is what you think is best. I will not bring this up again."

"Good," I said curtly before looking at Rumil. "I will deal with you later," I warned, pointing at him before walking away.

I stalked around Caras Galadhon for some time, soothing my stinging nerves before I would return to my home. In truth, not admitted to my brothers, I was torn between encouraging Ashk to go to her parents - to see if she could not settle what had rifted between them so long ago. But another was telling me to let her be and not push her for fear of the pain she may regain in that small place of Sarubrim.

When I started up the stairs to my home I walked them slowly.

Inside the flet I found the twins sitting at the table, chattering between themselves. Ashk came from the common with Nethin on her hip. She smiled at me, appearing as though nothing had shaken her earlier in the day, and I let that unnerving smile soothe me.

**Night**

**Ashk**

"_Daddy, please do not be angry." _

"_Daddy, stop yelling at her!"_

"_Quiet!" _

I opened my eyes, frowning into the dark before I rolled over in bed and clung to my husband in his sleep - Willing my dreams away.

"_You cannot force me to drink that! I am not killing this child!"_

"_Drink it, or you leave. Do you understand? You are ruining your life, Ashk! Do not let this mistake become any bigger."_

_My mother and eldest sister watched me from the stairs and I felt my hand shake as I reached for the tiny bottle. It was red and corked tightly. The glass was cold in my grasp and I felt myself shaking my head, knowing it was wrong. _

"_Drink it, Ashk."_

"_No!" I shot to a stand, pitching the vile into the fire where the glass broke and spread the fire blue for only an instant. "I won't!" _

I sighed, my heart beating wildly in my ears before I rolled to the edge of the bed and clenched my pillow closely. Slowly, I forced my eyes to close.

"_Who was it?" he growled, leaning forward. "Who was it? Do you know who the father is?" _

_I remained silent. He would not believe me even if I told him. _

"_Was it Mort?"_

_I gawked in horror. "No - Daddy! Never!" _

"_Well, who then!"_

I muffled a groan, not entirely awake except to the turning of my head.

"_Get out. Leave. Leave and I never want to see you or that bastard! You have betrayed your family's name, Ashk! You have betrayed me!" _

I rolled, waking myself as I bumped into Haldir. He sighed, shifting and yet did not wake.

Cold sweat layered me and I felt slightly sick. My father's voice continued to ring in my head and I shook it, rolling away from Haldir and getting out of bed.

The floor was cold under my feet as I moved to the wash room. There, in the mirror, I glanced at myself. I had not changed much. My hair was longer, finer, than it used to be. My face a bit more mature, but I did not look much different than I had five years ago.

I had only been twenty-one then. Now I was twenty five, soon to be twenty six. How different my world was now. Gloriously different.

Why had he been so cruel?

It was a question that had nagged me for so long now. Whenever I caught myself thinking of my father, a man I thought of as loving and wonderful in my youth, I would always wonder why he had been so cruel.

If I went to him, I could ask. I could demand to know. I could show him exactly what I had become since my exile from his family. That I had not raised bastards, but instead beautiful children under the loving gaze of their father. I had not become nothing and I had not given into hopelessness even when I had sometimes wanted to.

I was loved by my husband - the father of my children - and I loved him in return.

And, damn it all, I was happy.

I could show him that - irk him with knowing he was wrong. He had been so wrong.

My eyes focused on the mirror once more.

If I let him, he should have been proud of me. But I would not let him. I wanted him to feel envy and regret.

I wanted to hurt him like he hurt me.

And though it was so unlike me to crave revenge, so unlike Ashkalin daughter of Lucius to be cold with a hardened spirit, I wanted it now.

I would go to Sarubrim, but not to pay my last respects.

I would go for myself and my children. For my husband and the family I found here in Caras Galadhon.

And maybe then, perhaps I would feel the peace I longed for when I thought of my life before my children and Haldir.

Haldir was awake when I walked back into the bedroom and he took my hand as I sat on the bed's edge beside him. I stroked my fingers through his hair as he smiled just dimly.

"I changed my mind," I told him softly, his smile disappearing slowly in my words. I swallowed. "I am going to Sarubrim."

His grasp tightened just barely. "Are you certain?"

I nodded in silence and he brought my hand to his chest. "Then I will go with you."

I slanted a gaze at him. "I am not asking you to," I told him softly.

"You do not have to, Ashk," he replied.

Warmed by his undying loyalty, I could only smile lovingly and lean forward, kissing him in my gratitude.

The baby cried then and the kiss broke with our mutual smiles.

"I will get him," I said, patting his chest as he moved to get up before I stood and walked out of the room.

And as I lifted my son into my arms from his crib, I gave him a sad smile.

"Your Ada is so good to me," I said to him as his crying slowly dwindled. And when he lay content in my arms, the night was quiet even as my mind poured on.

Slowly, I revised every last thing I wanted to say to my father, and to my mother.

Every last word.

- - -

Hmm...Ashk is not very happy, is she? lol. This is an interesting story to write and I've had it in mind for some time. I am glad I finally got around to making it. I hope you all enjoyed. As stated in the front, this is about 4 chapters long. Perhaps 5, I have not decided yet. Anyway... Next updated expected on **July 17. **

Let me know what you think, everyone! Love all!

-Slater


	2. Chapter 2: Of Secrets and Truths

**WOO! Hey guys! Thanks **_Calowiel, Pamie884, radbooks, nanananarich, Tommy14, Laer1472, Julia, Just a Reader, Coolio02, Sandy, __Greywolf Starkiller _(Oh, my. Thank you so much. That's a massive compliment. Thank you.) _huntress73, LJP, Tree Topper, Linwe lossehelin, Sandy _(Sorry about that wait! Explained below...heh)! You guys are the best.

Most of you know I always update in the mornings. However, this morning I was called into work at oh...Three In The Morning! That's right! I'm not a morning person, people. Anyway, that's that. **And, some of you will be happy to know that the JFT story cover is up!** Yay! **Go to my profile for the address** because this dumb site won't let me write it.

Thanks for everything guys! I am really looking forward to the next chapter of this story. (An interesting character of Ashk's past does not like our March Warden so much - And the March Warden remembers some things about that night five years ago). Enjoy!

**NOTE**: Any dialog in _Italics _is meant to be understood as Elvish until noted otherwise.

**Heavy Hearted**

**Chapter Two: Of Secrets and Truths**

**Ashk**

_"Will you be gone a long time?"_ Onduras asked, his little hands smoothing the fabric of my coat as if to keep himself occupied.

_"Only a few days, dear,"_ I told him, tilting my head to peer into his downcast eyes._ "Not long. You will have fun with your uncles though, won't you?"_

Onduras glanced behind him to see Rumil and Orophin standing with Litia.

He looked back at me. _"How many days?"_ he asked and I smiled at him.

_"No more than a week,"_ I told him.

_"Promise?"_

_"Promise,"_ I told him, kissing his nose. "No war games inside and be sure that Ana does not do any...tricks," I said, bestowing on him a responsibility to keep his spirits up. He nodded and I drew him into my arms, hugging him as tightly as I allowed myself to.

_"Can we go with?"_ Ana asked, tugging on Haldir's trousers as she peered up at him.

Haldir glanced at me briefly as I stood and took Nethin from him.

We had spoken of bringing the children along to Sarubrim for only a short time. My answer had been the same. Absolutely not. I had no idea what circumstances would turn out to be in the small village.

Honestly, I did not know how much I wanted them to see of what I would have to do. I did not want to risk the fact that they would discover just how they had wedged their way into this world. The two, as of yet, knew nothing of the details before they were born between their father and I.

_"No, my girl. You cannot go. Not this time,"_ Haldir told our daughter, hoisting her into his grasp.

_"We never get to go anywhere,"_ Onduras pouted.

_"You go to Celebruim all the time - That is more than many grown Elves can say,"_ Haldir told him, tapping his chin with a loving smile.

Onduras smiled just slightly and jumped about until he was pulled into his father's arms as well.

_"You needn't worry about a thing here, Ashk,"_ Litia told me, coming to my side with a warm smile. _"I will be sure to keep a watch on both Orophin and Rumil,"_ she added seriously, giving a look at the two as they came to join us as well.

I smiled._ "I would appreciate it,"_ I said, purposely looking at Orophin and Rumil. Especially Rumil.

They both beamed identical grins at me.

Nethin looked at me with wide eyes as though he knew something was different going on around him. His dark hair moved gently in a small breeze and I kissed his tiny nose.

_"We should go. We need to be there before nightfall,"_ Haldir said then even as Ana clung to his neck.

I nodded and gave each child a half dozen kisses before Haldir managed to pry me away.

However, Rumil next latched onto me. I grunted, being crushed into his chest.

_"Be careful,"_ he said seriously into my ear. _"If you need me for anything, I will come."_

I tried to laugh, but he was holding me too tightly to do so. I patted his back.

_"I know,"_ I wheezed._ "Rumil - You are crushing me."_

_"Oh!"_ He released me and I sucked in a breath. _"I am sorry. I am not used to having to say farewell to you."_

I smiled, no longer restrained, and I patted his cheek. _"Do not worry so much. I have Haldir with me."_

Rumil glanced at Haldir who raised a brow at him in speculation.

_"Get out of the way,"_ Orophin said, shoving Rumil aside. _"Do not mind him. You spoil him too much and he becomes quickly attached,"_ he told me, leaning and kissing my cheek. _"You will be fine and we will see you in a few days."_

I nodded and the two exchanged brief farewells with Haldir before he led me down the stairs to our awaiting horses. I glanced back to see the twins waving furiously at us and I waved back.

_"How do you do this?"_ I muttered to Haldir as I turned away again.

_"Do what?"_

_"Leave so easily all the time."_

He chuckled._ "Not as easily as you might think,"_ he told me, waiting until I was mounted until he went to his own horse; a young stallion rather than the heavy with foal Kali.

I allotted myself one last wave to the children before I let Black follow Haldir. Once past the city's great gateway, he looked back at me as if to ask one last time if I was certain. I nodded and he turned to the path once more, letting his horse into a steady run that I quickly followed in.

We had passed the borders at nearly noon. Haldir had stopped to speak with his second in command Eruidel for a short time before we continued on.

The air of the plains had always been different than the air of the forest. On the open land, it was free and wild. Cold with a biting snap this day, but as it whirled snowflakes and ice over the hills, I found myself smiling at the sight. Not even Celebruim had the easing call these hills did. I knew these hills.

They had once been home.

For just a moment I saw children from days passed running after each other on horses far too big for them. And for just a moment I heard the giggling of three sisters near the creek that we splashed through without hesitation. We were not far from Sarubrim, but to three young girls, we had been far enough to be in another world.

Vaguely, I wondered if Ana would be there. I hoped she would. To see her and Mauriel, our eldest sister, at the same time once again would be the only joy of this cursed trek.

_"Do you want to stop for a rest?"_ Haldir asked then, wheeling his horse back to see me.

_"No,"_ I replied, shaking my head and keeping Black at a steady run past my husband. He followed then and we kept at a steady pace through the afternoon and into the early evening hours.

Trotting up a hill that had the marks of coasting engraved into it's snow, I shifted and grimaced in the saddle, slowing Black to a walk.

Haldir caught up to me curiously.

_"I am going to feel this ride for days,"_ I complained, shifting again with a cringe as sore pain shot through my thighs and lower back.

Haldir laughed at me. _"I warned you to slow down,"_ he said smugly.

The sound of children laughing drew our attention away from each other and instead to several young teenagers racing up the other side of the hill with their wooden sleds in tow. Haldir frowned at them and I could see the confusion in his eyes.

_"What?"_ I prodded.

He glanced back at the young humans who had stopped to look at us - Mostly him. They muttered between themselves of an Elf's presence and what not, but I did not listen.

_"What are those?"_ Haldir asked, baffling me completely. I glanced back at the children who had started racing off again.

I looked back to Haldir. _"The sleds?"_ I asked with a frown. _"They are used for coasting. You have never seen them before?"_ I was almost amused by this. I had never truly been able to find anything Haldir had not seen or heard of in the Elven realms.

_"I venture out of the forest only so many times and even more rarely to human villages,"_ he informed me, a bit huffy that I had seemed to let my amusement shine through my face.

I smiled at him with a laugh._ "No need to be testy about it. You asked, I told. It's a child's sport, mostly. But, most adults still find a love of coasting as well. Perhaps I will take you in the next few days."_

He gave me a look. _"Unlikely,"_ he replied.

I laughed again before we crested a smaller hill and my laughter faded away with my smile.

Tiny Sarubrim had not changed a bit. The well boarded homes and buildings still stood strong while the smaller huts were abandoned in the winter time. Fields that were harvested in the summer were now plain with the white blanket of snowy winter. Tracks from horses and people trailed the once flawless cover and as I saw a herd of horses being driven away from the small village, I smiled slightly.

I recognized the men pushing those horses. Dalanor and Renanor, brothers to each other and sons to the best horse tamer in the region Norburd.

The one and only road in the village bustled with people and the sound of their laughter and daily routines struck a familiar cord within my heart. I knew those people and many of them had seen me since I was nothing more than a young child.

_"We can wait,"_ Haldir said softly. _"Perhaps until night when there are not so many people about."_

I shook my head as I looked to the tavern and inn with the name Lofty Inn. I smirked at the name and the sign I could not even see, but I knew was there.

_"No,"_ I replied._ "It is now or never. We can cut through the back."_ I turned Black's head to the left and nudged his flanks, moving him forward at a careful walk on the snowy hill. Haldir hesitated until I glanced back at him and he followed me once again.

I pulled my hood over my face as he did while we rode past several small homes towards the back end of the village. The occasional curious look landed on us, but I was relieved no one said anything before we reached the back of the lodge.

Haldir dismounted quickly and moved to my side, helping me down from Black's broad back and to the cold ground in the shadow of the tavern.

The familiarity of the place was choking.

"_Are you all right?" _Haldir asked quietly in Sindarian. I glanced at him and gave a nod. He tilted his head, his finger hooking under my chin and drawing my face upward. _"Stop looking at the ground. You are not unworthy here and you are not a peasant." _

I could not help but smile sadly at the comment. "But I was," I replied softly.

The back door to the tavern suddenly opened and a tall, slim figure came out with a crate in hand.

"Well, had you left him be, you would not have been bit! I wish he would have bitten you right in your– "

I laughed seeing her scowling face as the rich sound of her husband's laughter trickled by her and into the air around us.

She froze hearing me and looked at us with wide eyes before they narrowed in suspicion. "And who might you be?" she demanded, not seeing my face under the shadow of my hood.

I pushed the cloak's hood back and the shock on her face was something I would treasure all my days. Mauriel gasped, her hands flying to her mouth and letting the crate in grasp drop to the snowy ground with a crash.

"Ashk?" she whispered and I dared not to move. She was staring at me as though I was a ghost and I could only nod to her.

"Mari, what was that noise?" her husband, Wessen, called from somewhere behind her.

Mauriel's eyes drifted to Haldir who did not remove his hood and looked intimidating indeed. Yet, Mauriel did not seem to care as she kicked aside the crate and rushed at me with warm, flowing laughter.

"Oh, where have you been you crazy girl?" she demanded as she hugged me to her and I heard the awful tears in her voice. She parted with me, drawing my face in her hands. "Silly girl, look how you've grown!" she whispered with a laugh.

I looked down at her, noticing the roundness of her belly with a laugh. "Another babe?" I asked, sniffling with both the cold and the utter joy of seeing my eldest sister again.

She grinned. "Yes, another babe."

I shook my head with a laugh. "Busy, busy," I scolded before she giggled and Wessen suddenly shadowed the doorway.

"Who– Sky's fire, Ashk!"

I was suddenly crushed into his big chest before Wessen abruptly released me and shook my shoulders. "Where have you been!"

Haldir stepped behind me and I felt his rigid body to my back. He obviously did not take an immediate liking to Wess shaking the life out of me.

"Wess, good Gods! Let her go," Mauriel commanded, a delicate hand pushing the house of a husband away from me. I leaned back into my own if only to keep him from lunging at the man. Mauriel suddenly looked a bit nervous and glanced to Haldir behind me. "Have we met?" she said slowly, silently demanding I introduce the two.

"No, you have not. Mari, this is Haldir. My husband," I said slowly as Haldir pushed aside his hood.

Mari's eyes widened slightly either at my declaration or at the mere sight of him.

**Haldir**

"Haldir, my sister Mauriel and her husband Wessen," Ashk said then, looking at me expectantly with a cutting gleam in her eyes.

I cleared my throat. "A pleasure," I said briefly, forcing a smile to her sister and glancing at the husband who easily matched my height.

"I should have expected no less," said a familiar voice. "All the damned commotion over you two, of course." Ana tromped out the doorway with a beaming grin on her face as she swept my wife into an embrace. "I knew you would come," I heard her whisper, not meant for the ears of anyone else.

She parted with Ashk then and glanced at me. "Where are the children?"

Ashk tilted her head. "We - I thought it was best that they stay home," she said slowly, much to the disappointment of both her siblings.

"I have yet to see the tikes," Mari said rather glumly. "Ana says you have three already!" Ashk offered her a smile.

"Perhaps I will come back with them soon," she said, but I could hear the lie in her voice. The love she held for her sister was obvious, but I knew Ashk well enough to know she would hurt anyone in the world before putting her children in any position of potential heartache.

"She has six," Ana said, jerking a thumb at Mari. "And a seventh on the way."

"Good Lords, Mari!" Ashk exclaimed.

"It seems Ryn and I have fallen behind," Ana laughed.

Wessen shifted and wrapped an arm around his wife in a highly possessive manner. "Come, it is much to cold out for you three to be standing around and giggling about your sex lives."

I was startled by his words and could not help but lose my composure enough to smile at the blushing faces of all three sisters.

Ashk tugged on my hand but I did not move as she turned towards the door.

"I should see to the horses," I told her quietly.

"Hmph - Let Lynile take care of it. He has found himself in a spot of trouble," Ana said before Ashk could reply. "I will send him out for them."

"That will not be necess- "

"Lynile!" Ana screeched inside the door. "Drop the dishes, you have horses to tend to!"

"But, Mama!"

"Boy!"

"Coming!"

Ana tossed Ashk and I a glance.

"What did he do to fall on the dark side of his loving mother?" I asked, barely containing my amusement at her.

"The boy is ten, Haldir. Boys who are ten find all kinds of trouble. You will find out for yourself," Ana told me seriously as a lanky boy came stampeding towards us. He halted with a shriek of his boots. I was surprised at his height and barely recognized the boy from when I'd last seen him only the winter before.

"Aunt Ashk - Uncle Haldir." The surprise on his face was obvious and he glanced to his mother. "When did– Oh, horses."Lyn interrupted himself under his mother's glare and quickly slipped through my wife and I; not before Ashk patted his head with a giggle.

"He is like a weed. Nearly to my shoulder!" Ashk said with bafflement to Ana.

"Yes, and he eats like a damned goat. Anything and everything."

"Mama!" Mari exclaimed inside as we shut the door.

The sheer noise of this entire family had my ears ringing. I could hear children pounding around over the ceiling. Pots and pans were banging together behind a swinging door and someone was singing loudly and quite terribly nearby.

"Mama!" Mari shouted again, starting up the stairs at a jog.

"Mari, for the Gods sakes! You don't need to be running anywhere!" her husband growled as he stomped after her.

I raised a brow and looked down at Ashk. "Now I know where you get some habits from," I muttered to her. She replied to me with an unamused look.

"Come, sit," Wessen said then, motioning us towards a door. Ashk seemed to have her exact barings and so I followed her.

"Look out!" a young voice cried and the door suddenly swung open, narrowly missing both of us as a cat bolted through it will ribbons dangling from it's tail. A child tumbled out after it and tripped over his own clumsy feet to land at my own.

"Gotcha!" he exclaimed, grabbing my ankle.

The blindfold over his eyes made me look at him skeptically as he pulled it away to look at what his hands were wrapped around. I shifted slightly while Ashk burst into laughter.

Wide, brown eyes looked upwards into my own.

"Uh oh."

My brows shot upwards before the child, no more than seven years of age, flung himself back with a shriek and darted off at a dead sprint.

"You frightened him," Ana scolded as she leaned back dangerously in her chair.

"What did I do?" I asked seriously, looking between Ana and Ashk as the child's screaming was suddenly chorused by others.

"Ey! What is all the noise!" Wessen's loud voice shouted as he came down a set of creaking stairs.

"They have never seen an Elf before," Ana informed me. "And you, brother-in-law, are quite intimidating to anyone, much less a child."

I frowned as I pulled a chair out for Ashk.

"You are one to talk, Ana," Ashk said with a smile. "The first time you laid eyes on Haldir you punched him."

"That's right," I agreed, seating myself across from Anamel.

"Yes, well, I had good reason," she said, picking an imaginary piece of lint off her tunic.

"Yarlah," cursed a Gypsy voice as the door burst open near us, "it is cold out!" Snowflakes whirled inside and a man with an armful of wood stomped through and kicked the door shut.

"Ryn, darling, glad you could join us," Ana said with an amused smile as he dropped the wood next to a dwindling fire furnace.

The Gypsy straightened, his hands shaking snow out of his hair before he froze when he spotted us.

"Well, look who it is!" he exclaimed, laughter rumbling as he came around the table we sat at. He kissed Ashk on the cheek and shook my hand with a gleeful grin as he carried on about the cursed weather and our luck for arriving when we had.

Ana, however, had fallen silent. I glanced at her, following her eyes towards the door that opened slowly.

A tiny woman stood there, the shadow of Mari behind her. She was short, even shorter than Ashk, yet she did not appear very old at all. Lines of laughter edged her eyes and grey streaked her hair that was obviously once as dark brown as my wife's.

Silence had fallen like a shadow in the room and Ashk stood very slowly to face the woman that was so obviously her mother. The old woman's soft brown eyes, identical to all three of her daughters, trembled in unshed tears as she stared at Ashk a long moment; motherly gaze taking in every change that was new to her.

Ashk's hands moved behind her back and I noticed the obvious tremor in them. My urge to soothe her was buried as I knew she had forgotten my presence and everyone else's completely.

Finally, the small woman in the doorway moved forward slowly and slipped an arm through Ashk's. Without a word, she led her out the door once again and left the rest of us in silence.

I shifted uncomfortably.

"Do not worry, Haldir," Ana said softly. "Mama has longed to see Ashk for many years." Mari took a seat beside her and their eyes peered at me a long moment.

"So you are..." Mari paused a moment as if searching for the right word. In her eyes I could see some dim accusation, a distant dislike for me and I knew why. "The father of her children?"

"Yes, I am."

She nodded slowly and I fought not to glare at Ana as she stood and left the room with her husband in tow.

"And it was you..." She paused again and the fact that this conversation seemed hard on her made it easier on me. "It was you who she... Five years ago, it was you?"

I nodded. "It was me."

"Hmph." She frowned slightly and leaned forward on the table. "Because I am her sister, her eldest at that, I have no issue with questioning you on any part of your relationship," she said firmly, surprising and amusing me slightly. "However, I will only ask this once and I do hope I will have no further questions after."

I raised a brow. "Very well. Ask."

"Do you love her, or did you marry her for the children?"

I should have expected the question to come, but it still shocked me. It had been some many years since anyone had questioned my true feelings for my wife.

I straightened slightly. "Then you must only ask that once - I love Ashk with nothing less than all my being."

She studied me a long moment before leaning back. "I see," she said curtly, but her eyes were twinkling like stars and that dislike I had seen was gone.

The door opened once again and two children came running through.

"Mama! Darius is not helping with dishes," one of the young girls whined. Suddenly she spotted me and her hazel eyes widened and she stepped back.

I smiled at her and Mauriel reached for the two. "Do not be frightened. He is...Your uncle."

"Uncle?" one repeated before her eyes suddenly lit with joy. "An Elf? Are we part Elf, Mama?"

Mari and I both laughed. "No, you are not," she told her. "Haldir is Auntie Ashk's husband."

The elder of the two girls looked at me with an abrupt frown. "But, Aunt Ashk has no husband."

Mari tilted her head. "Not since you last saw her," Mari said gently. "She is here now visiting with Gran. You will see her soon."

"Aunt Ashk is here!" the eldest exclaimed. "Oh, wait – oh!" She wheeled around and sped out of the room.

The youngest girl frowned as she was no more than five years old. "Who is Aunt Ashk?"

**Ashk**

"To think, my little girl a proper Lady."

I scoffed slightly. "I do not know so much about the properness," I told my mother with a slight smile. "I do happen to get in a bit of trouble every now and again with Haldir and his nobility."

Mama laughed as she continued to dry her still watery eyes. It pained me to see her cry so, even if she did say they were tears of happiness. I could sorely remember the last time I saw her five years ago, weeping as I had never seen her do before.

"I am disappointed you did not bring the children," she said then, leaning back into the big chair she sat in. It was my father's chair and she was shadowed slightly in it's wake. I remembered many nights finding my father in that chair, reading or whatnot.

The thought of it now made my blood boil.

"I did not think it was the right thing to do, considering," I said, speaking more to the ghost of my father than to my mother before me.

She grimaced slightly and I felt the pang of that. Yet, I silently reminded myself of my reasons here. My wants and longings to put thisformer homebehind me and to very well put my parents in their place.

Yet, as I looked into the eyes of my mother, I could already feel that wall of courage draining away.

"He regretted what he did, you know," she said softly. "He did not say anything about it for a long time. Then Anamel came and - oh, you know her. She was furious with him and, by Gods Ashk, he wept for you."

I turned my head away to look out the window. It was snowing out and the light of the day was dimming slowly into the west.

West where I knew home was. A home that was not this place.

"He never came. He never even looked for me," I replied.

"He was so ashamed, Ashk. He never forgave himself for what he did. He was just so angry with you."

"He was cruel," I quipped, finding myself glaring at her. "He was cruel to his daughter and to children that were innocent. Mama, he wanted me to kill them! He should be ashamed - He should be damn ashamed!"

"Ashk, do not speak like that," Mama scolded with a look in her eyes that was not of anger, but instead something like fear. "He loves you."

"He exiled me!"

She flinched at my voice and her chin trembled as tears filled the corners of her eyes.

I let my anger boil a long moment before I remembered that I was speaking to my mother, not my father. My mother who was losing the man in her life even if I found myself wanting to hate him. She was grief stricken, I could see it in her face, and I immediately felt ashamed for hollering at her so. My anger vanished and I leaned forward to take her hand. "I am sorry, Mama. I did not mean to upset you. We should not talk about this."

She shook her head and stood, walking away from me. "No, we should," she said with a shaking voice. "You do not understand why he was so angry, so disappointed. It wasn't just you, Ashk."

I frowned slowly as her words became more steady as she paced the small study.

"Being with child without a husband to name, Ashk, is a terrible thing. You know that." I did not reply and she did not seem to want me to. "I do, too." She turned and looked at me. "I was nineteen when I met your father. We were young and stupid and...When I became pregnant with Mauriel, the marriage was forced for the baby, not for love."

"What?" My voice was quick and a bit hoarse. My shock was so great it roped around my chest and held my breath alone.

"Oh, I did love him!" she said quickly. "Slowly, I grew to love him and Mauriel. Then Ana came, then you." She approached me slowly. "When you told us of your pregnancy, it was like a nightmare; as though our sins had returned to us through you. We had never wanted our hardships to be forced on you as well. We knew what would happen and that was the last thing we wanted in the world.

"He wanted you to lose the baby and the nightmare and mistake would be over. It was not that he was cold hearted, Ashk. He just never wanted you to go through what we did."

My heart pounded in my ears a long moment before I shoved myself to a stand. "So he exiles me on my refuse! How on earth would that make it better!"

"He was angry, Ashk! He was not thinking."

"Was not thin– Oh!" I interrupted myself with a groan as I turned in a rageful circle. "And you did nothing!" I exclaimed, turning on her in my confusion and rage.

"Yes, I did nothing!" she replied, tears washing down her face. "I never wanted you to go, but you never fought to stay! You left!"

"What was I supposed to do!"

"I don't know!"

Silence fell between us and when I felt a scalding tear streak down my cheek, I scrubbed it away quickly.

"I did not want you to live the life I did, Ashk. You had always been such a bright girl, I did not want you chained to a man you hardly knew."

"Like you had been," I said quietly.

Another tear slipped down her aging face. "Like I had been," she repeated.

I shook my head. I had always thought my mother had been a happy person. I had never, of course, asked to the days of courtship between my parents. Now, obviously, I knew those days were non-existent.

"Does Ana or Mari know about this?" I asked slowly.

"No," she replied before looking down to the floor. "Will you tell them?"

I looked at her a long moment. This could be my revenge. It would be my revenge on both my parents in one swift blow. I would hurt them just as they had me.

But, as I stared at my mother for that moment, I felt ashamed for my thoughts.

"No," I whispered, my throat choked with an emotion that mixed anger, pity, and regret into one clenching hold. "No, I won't."

**Evening**

**Haldir**

"I do apologize for my rudeness in not greeting you earlier," Ashk's mother, Eira, said as she forced a bright smile on her face.

Her mask of joy did not fool me in the least. Her eyes were rimmed in the redness of tears while the dark circles under her eyes showed her lack of sleep. She was pale, unhealthily pale, and I could only contribute such things to the state of her husband. Surely she was grieving.

"Think nothing of it," I said, kindly ignoring my observations of her well being as I seated her at the table that was quickly filling with various foods.

The small herd of children had their own table a short distance away. At the moment, they were bombarding Ashk with questions as she dished them their meals.

"Ana has told me much about you, Haldir," she said then and motioned to the seat beside her. I took it a bit reluctantly, unsure of who's place I was truly taking.

"Has she?" I glanced to Ana and barely contained a glare. Ana's overbearing dislike for me had not much lessened in past years, but we seemed to have a tolerable understanding.

Most of the time.

"Oh, yes. She speaks very highly of you."

I raised a brow, looking to Ana again as she clearly worked to act as though she did not hear a word of her mother's voice.

"And those brothers of yours sound like quite the characters," Eira added with a small bit of laughter. "I do believe she adores the youngest."

"Ah, yes. She and Rumil have a keen relationship."

"Yes, which I have been meaning to speak to him about," Ryn said as he sat down beside his wife with a plopping lack of grace. "Playing favorites is not a good idea with the Lucius sisters. Trust in me."

I laughed at him even as Eira passionately agreed and launched into a story about a poor boy who had been caught between all three sisters in his affections when he was very young.

She emphasized he had still not married anyone at all in the nineteen years since.

"Well, you know us," Mari said from across the table. "We leave an impression."

"To say the least," Wessen said casually as he tore a piece of bread apart. "The first thing this one said," he motioned to Mari, "after I had poured out my very heart in proposal was that she would cut off..." He glanced at the nearby children warily and lowered his voice, "..The family heirloom if I ever was infidel to her."

The room erupted in laughter if only for his own words in the situation.

"Ana once told me that she would tie me stark naked to a tree and leave me there for a week if I ever spoke to one particular Gypsy woman again."

"She was a whore," Ana said, stabbing her meal with her fork.

"Ana! Good Lords, the children," Eira scolded.

"They've heard worse," Ana replied evenly with a smile.

Ryn looked at me expectantly. "Well, out with it, Haldir. What evils has Ashk threatened you with?"

I glanced to my wife who looked at me in a bemused fashion.

"_Tell them and I will make that threat good," _she told me in an innocently sweet fashion, a smile plastered onto her face to fool the family around us.

I cleared my throat and leaned forward slightly. "My wife? She would never make such threats. She is an angel."

Mari and Ana promptly cackled with laughter and Wessen gagged on his drink.

"Right," Ryn chuckled. "When she is sleeping."

"Ryn, I haven't the slightest idea what you are talking about," Ashk said with a beaming smile. "Haldir named me perfectly." Her finger grazed my ear before I jerked away giving her a piercing look. Ana seemed to be the only one to notice as she snorted with laughter.

"None of you are angels, I can promise that," Eira said, looking critically at each of her daughters. "In fact, Ashkalin, you have quite a few skeletons hiding around."

"Oh, I do not think we need to get into that," Ashk said, standing as if to clear the table.

"I disagree," I said, pulling her to sit back down. "You have heard plenty of stories from my brothers, now you can suffer the same torture."

"I have a table to clean," Ashk said then, standing once more.

"Oh, no, please. Sit. We will take care of it," Mari said with a sly smile and I pulled Ashk to sit down once again.

Ashk huffed out a sigh. "Fine. Out with it, Ma. What's first? Herlem's cricket incident, or Lyra's snake surprise?"

"Oh, I had forgotten about the cricket," Eira said with a laugh before turning to me and Ashk groaned. "When Ashk was only about five, she had the most adorable crush on a boy named Herlem." I glanced to Ashk to see her face as a satisfying shade of red before listening to her mother.

**Later**

**Ashk**

"Oh, that is a rotten lie!" I exclaimed as Ana burst into giggles. "It was your idea to take the clothes!"

"That's the most horrible thing I have ever heard," Wessen said, choking with laughter. "Those boys were surely scarred for life!"

"I agree," Ryn added with a well played disgusted look. "I would have been mortified."

Ana laughed wickedly. "Oh, trust me dear, you would have no reason to be."

"Oh, Ana! That's too much!" Mari exclaimed with a grimace.

It was late now, well past the bedtime for Mari and Ana's children. We were trying to be as quiet as possible for they were asleep and mother was upstairs tending to our father since sometime after dinner. She had offered me to join her, but I refused.

I was not ready to see that man. Not after what she told me.

In fact, this time with my sisters, their husbands, and my own was well needed. The heated tension that had been building in me for days was fading with out laughter.

Ana gave a sultry look to her husband as he tugged at his collar. "Is it hot in here?"

We laughed, a rich sound that had not been heard all together in so long now; never with Haldir's amused chuckles and it was a sweet sound to my ears.

"Now, when I first met Mari, I thought she was the sweetest girl I'd ever met. I learned differently real fast," Wessen said before receiving a slapping blow to his arm.

Our laughter was suddenly underlined by something else. A strange noise that caught my attention only in curiosity at first, then in a layering dread.

The hacking coughs upstairs were ragged and enough to choke someone. Our laughter and amusement faded away as we listened to Lucius, son of Lucian, cough and gag enough to make anyone's chest contort with raw pain.

The sound of Mama's voice trying to calm him worried me a brief moment before the coughing gagged then slowly faded away.

Haldir gave me a wary look before I turned my eyes to my sisters.

Mari shrugged slightly. "It happens," she said softly.

Ana was biting on her nails, a habit she had only when she was truly unnerved, before Ryn took her hand and squeezed.

"Well, I do believe it is a bit late. Perhaps we should all retire for the night," Mari said, pushing herself to a stand.

I frowned then. "Is the tavern not open now?"

"Oh, it is open. Mort has been taking care of things for the past few days."

The name itself made me feel a bit cold. Of course Mort would help, he always helped. He was always around - a good friend to both my sisters and I.

Yet, for years, we all knew Mort favored me in a different way. He was protective and, at times, a bit possessive. He did not like me working in that tavern in the least. He always insisted I was only asking for trouble. And he was always there, usually helping my father,and always came whenI needed him. He walked me home, pushed away the darker fellows, and always had a smile to offer.

"Your room is open, Ashk, when the two of you are ready for bed," Mari said then, leaning down and kissing me on the cheek. As goodnights were exchanged, Haldir and I found ourselves alone in the common room with that swaying fire.

"I would not have guessed you were such a wild young girl," Haldir said then, smiling at me as he tugged on my hair. "I do hope our Ana does not take after you."

I raised a brow. "You do not have a clean slate either, my dearest."

He chuckled, pulling me to him.

"How do you think the children are?" I asked softly. I had found myself thinking of them many times during dinner, avidly wondering what they were doing and what they were eating for their own dinner.

"Well, as long as Ana has not summoned a storm and Onduras has not led any of the other children on a crusade, I think they are fine," he replied, making me smile and forget my motherly worries. "Do you miss them?"

I sighed. "Yes. Terribly."

"Me, too," he told me quietly.

- - -

All right, well that chapter was to really introduce Ashk's whole family to everyone. I enjoyed writing them, heh. The next chapter, however, will be a bit more...hmm..tense. And I do believe this little 'short' fic will turn out to be five or six chapters. Sigh. You guys know me.

Don't forget to look at the cover! That's dedicated to you guys!

-Slater

Next update: **July 21 **or **22**


	3. Chapter 3: Memories and Mort

**Calowiel**: Ha! Yes, I hate those stories. And it always happens to. My parents favor the one from when I was five and I followed some Scottish man around for a while til I asked him to marry me. That's right. What can I say? He was a Scot! Well, I am glad you liked it. The font was…Oh, I can't remember. It was a P something. I will go back and look asap and let you know. Thanks!

**CapriceAnn Hedican-Kocur**: Well, look! I updated early, and it's a long one too! Trust me! Enjoy!

**Linwe lossehelin**: Heh heh! I am happy you liked it! This chapter should prove to be interesting indeed…Look forward to hearing from you!

**JosieC**: Thank you very much! Hearing from the readers is always great. Thanks for dropping a line! I hope you continue to enjoy this series - I know I am!

**Laer4572**: Heh, I am glad you are comfortable with the family. I was worried about smothering them into you guys, but it appears that everyone enjoyed them well enough. Introducing Mari was a challenge. Though I had mentioned her in JFT, I had never developed her character. And Mort as mentioned too and…Hmm..You shall see!

**Julia**: Bah ha! Oh man! I am glad you said that. I was really considering having those two going sledding. That is almost too fun to pass up. And into a snow bank! He'd never live that down, poor guy. Too bad. Heh heh! Oh Lord. Can you imagine? Seven kids? I would die. Holy terrors is a nicer term than I would use. Whew. Yeah, I thought that little twist with Ashk's parents might just break the ice between Ashk and them and the readers and them. Perhaps just a bit. That's right! I was trying to remember who referred to Ryn as Johnny. I could not remember for the life of me. Hmm..I should make a banner with all the characters and put Johnny on there just for you! Ooo, that man. Purr. Now, that's what I'm saying. I really don't think Haldir would have any competition…Cept maybe if it was Johnny Depp putting the moves on Ashk. LOL! Oh dear…

**Greywolf Starkiller**: Ello again! I was thrilled to see you back on the review board. Ashk certainly does have a soft heart. Developing her character has been great and this story is a bit of a test on her, as you will see. Mari and Ana are wonderful to write, I am glad you like them as well. And Mort…Oh, yes. You will see about that Mort fellow. Geh heh heh. Thanks for the review!

**Radbooks**: Ashk's family has been great to work with and develop with all this. This is a big turning point in the series (sort of) to see about Ashk's past and whatnot. And Mari…Pish! I don't think I would have asked that. I would have likely peed myself first, lol! Or drooled a bit..I might drool. Oo, you liked the cover? Wonderful! Thank you!

**Sandy**: lol! Aw, I'm sorry. You should get more sleep, my dear. And poor old Kali has a few months left. Poor girl, lol! But don't worry, that will end up in another chapter/story/thing. Heh. Unexpected, you say? Wonderful! I have a habit of hinting to things until their dead, lol. Heh, I really liked writing the scene with the whole family. Good memories of my own came up. Good ol' Wessen is about the best I can do for Mari - she's a wild girl! Lol! And, of course you know me! I must have lots of tears and what not during the big, dramatic scenes! (Just wait til the end of this series comes…I'll be bawling!) Mort makes his debut in this chapter…We shall see what you think of him then, heh. Thank you!

**Huntress73**: I know! Seven kids would kill me! I have enough of a problem with my two nieces when I occasionally watch them. Bah! Crazy Mari. Yes, I may have to drop in on that sledding bit. I've been thinking on it and think I have concluded it to come eventually, heh. Happy to see that you did not shy off of that big announcement by Ashk's mother. I was a bit worried folks would. No one did, so that's great! Ashk's daughter/daddy scene is in the works and lemme tell you…It's rough. But, before that there is Mort! And he-- Oh, right. You must read that. Heh. Thank you for going to look at the covers! Enjoy the chapter!

Whew! Man, you guys are the best. However**….I have an announcement**.

Due to my lack of time and whatnot, I need to come to a decision. A company I am contracted with has run into a bit of a problem and I'm going to have to work doubletime with them and schooling will be starting back soon as well. So, as you all can tell, I am a bit pinched for time. I can only work on two stories at a time (or, in this case, a series and a story) and while I have the two fan fictions, I have to somehow add in an major edit/rewrite project for a four hundred page book.

Much to my dismay and disappointment, I am going to have to **discontinue** **The Mage** until further notice. Though I enjoy writing the story and have lots of ideas for it, I have to stop due to real life issues. However, **I will be continuing to update this series** (which I need to come up with a name for..). I will be posting an Author's Note only on **The Mage tomorrow on it's expected update on my profile**.

_I am very sorry about this, but it is a must until I either finish the edit or finish this series (which will not be until about, oh, twenty more stories or so. Seriously.) _

Just thought I would let everyone know asap rather than dinking around with it.

Thanks again for all your support, guys! I really do appreciate it and I would not even be where I'm at today if it weren't for you.

NOTE: Sequences in _Italics _are memories. Quotes alone in _Italics _are considered to be spoken in Elvish.

**Heavy Hearted**

**Chapter Three: Memories and Mort**

**Ashk**

I woke to an awful noise that seemed to rattle the windows and the bed itself.

Haldir groaned, rolling towards me and covering his ears.

"You're it!" cried a voice in the hallway.

Again the noise came and I finally realized it was the sound of a child shrieking at the very top of his - or her - lungs. The sound of racing feet hammered down the hall before I heard Mari's whispered voice hissing something at them.

"_Any more than three children at a time is out of the question. In fact, it should warrant a test of sanity,"_ Haldir grumbled into his pillow.

I laughed at him.

"Oh, Haldir, you know you would have a whole herd of them if I would let you."

He snorted and lifted his head. I was amused by his tangled hair and sleepy eyes even as I combed my fingers through his sleek locks.

"_I do not like children,"_ he informed me. _"I never have. I love ours - But anyone else's drive me to the brink of madness."_

I laughed again, his dry humor amusing me as always. _"I am glad you came, husband. I need you here to make me smile." _

His hand closed around my wrist, yanking as he rolled and I found myself sprawled over him. "Much obliged, my Lady."

"You are such a brute!" I giggled.

"Ashk, I hope you are awa– Oh dear me!"

I only caught a flash of Mari as she opened the door and quickly stammered back out it, slamming it shut. My mouth dropped open before I clamored off of Haldir, accidently kneeing him in the gut hard enough to make him groan, and bolted for the door.

"Mari!" I hissed as she was walking quickly towards the stairs. "Mari!"

She did not turn around as her hand raised. "Nothing, nothing! My apologies, I did not think to knock!"

"Mauriel, I do not know what you think we wer– "

"Ah - Stop! Please!" She all but ran down the stairs and I stood in the door way, completely scandalized in nothing but a tunic of Haldir's.

Ana strolled down the hall whistling.

"Oh, shut your face, Ana! I will give you people something to gossip about!" I growled, turning away from the hall and slamming the door behind me.

Ana's laughter sailed through the thick wood with ease.

"Pray tell, what did I just lose some important body part to?" Haldir grumbled and I grimaced. I must have really hurt him as he still had not moved.

"Mari obviously thought we were - hm - in the middle of something," I told him, flopping on the bed and hiding my blushing face with a pillow.

Haldir grunted with laughter. "Well, at least she did not scream like Rumil did."

"Rumil had reason to scream - We _were _in the middle of something. That was the most embarrassing thing that had ever happened."

"To you or to him?" Haldir questioned before I smacked him with the pillow.

**Haldir**

"Do you have a bow?"

"Yes."

"Do you have arrows?"

"Consequently, yes."

"Can I see your bow?"

"I do not think that would be wise."

"What about the arrows?"

"No."

I glanced at the young child as he fell silent, peering at me with wide eyes that screamed his mother's name. He had informed me, more than once, that his name was Darius and he was my nephew. I, currently, was his favorite uncle - much to Ryn's dismay.

Ana soothed him by blaming it on my race.

I never wanted to be a human more than at that moment.

"Do you have a sword?"

Or a dwarf. I could be a dwarf.

"Darius, one more question out of you and you can talk to the horses while cleaning out their stalls," Wessen said sternly as he came back into the dining room. "And why are you not at your table, boy? Are you an adult?"

"Umm...Yes!"

"No. Get!"

The boy giggled and dove under the table only to sit among his siblings a moment later.

I barely contained a sigh of relief and looked to Ashk smiled at me, barely containing the amusement I could see in her eyes. When she snorted with laughter a moment later, I reached under the table and pinched her leg. She jolted, banging the table enough to have Ryn, Ana, and Wessen look at us curiously.

Mari placed a large platter on the table and I looked up at her.

She, on the other hand, kept her eyes avidly away from mine.

"_Is she angry?" _I asked my wife.

Ashk glanced at her sister and tilted her head. _"No. She is embarrassed. Imagine of walking in on Orophin or Rumil and thinking they are having sex right there."_

I grimaced. I had no need to imagine or think of it, I had experienced such horrors thrice between the two of them.

"I do believe they are talking about your blushing face, Mari," Ana pipped up. "Would you like to share what is bothering you so?"

"Anamel!" Ashk and Mari both erupted.

"What is all the racket?" Eira's voice joined in the loud noises of the room as she entered. I was shocked by the utter exhaustion that lined her face this morning.

"Nothing, Mama," Mari said with a scowl in Ana's direction. "Sit down and have breakfast. Wessen bought more sugar this morning."

A piece of bread flew across the room then and Ana turned in her chair towards the children's table. "Lynile!"

"It wasn'– Yes, Mama." Lynile was obviously a pathetic liar and I had to smile at the boy's proper obedience to his mother. Ryn chuckled slightly even as Eira scowled.

"Ana, you are so hard on the boy."

"And we are not having this discussion at the table," Ana replied seriously.

"I was merely mentioning the fact," Eira replied as Ryn leaned back in his chair, out of the dangerous glare way of the two women.

"Please, Ma. You would have me spoil him rotten! Life of a Gypsy is harder than the life you brought me up in," Ana replied. Ryn nodded, about to say something before Eira swiftly silenced him with a motherly glare.

He closed his mouth.

"He is just a boy," Eira said simply as she buttered her bread.

"Yes, and we have company," Mari interjected with a beaming smile at me.

"Oh, do not mind me," I said, raising my hands in surrender.

"Yes, don't mind him. Mother, really, what do you expect me to do?" Ana said not but half a beat after I had said anything at all.

"_This happens," _Ashk said to me softly. _"Ana has always been a rebel."_

"_I would have never guessed," _I replied with a smirk as Ana and her mother continued to argue over the morning table. Ryn kept his gaze down to his plate while Wessen's eyes darted from one woman to the other as they bantered.

"Mama, proper families do not argue so," Mari said then, trying to end the conflict and obviously having some affect on Eira. This was not the first time I heard anything of nobility and properness be brought into a conversation with the woman.

"True. Haldir, you do not argue with your mother now do you?"

An immediate silence fell and I could almost feel Ashk's eyes on me in that silence. I cleared my throat. "Unfortunately, my parents passed away some years ago," I said slowly. "I am afraid sometimes an Elf's immortality can betray some."

Silence ensued then and Eira's eyes immediately went to her plate.

"My apologies," she said quickly. "I did not mean to be disrespectful."

"It was only a question," I replied gently. "No harm done."

Quiet tension held for a long moment after that until Ashk, finally broke the silence by asking a ridiculous question about the meal that I knew she was well aware of the answer to.

Yet, her tactful loyalty made me touch her leg under the table in a quiet thanks before her hand squeezed mine.

"Liquor from Brimsal comes today. Haldir, perhaps you can help us unload it while Ashk helps Ma with Daddy and the healer?" Ana said some time later, her eyes boring directly into mine with some silent message in them I could not read.

"Oh, no. I can help you, Ana. Mari knows– "

"I need your help, dear," Eira said then, cornering my wife between the stares of her sisters and her mother.

"But, I..."

My hand squeezed hers under the table once again and she blinked. Ashk glanced to her mother before nodding in silence.

**Noon**

"This half," Ana's arms waved out to one half of the wagon. "Goes upstairs. You boys can do that. This half," she fanned over the other half of the wagon. "Goes behind the counter. We will take care of that."

"Eh, no. Mari's not lifting one damn thing," Wessen said in a tone so deep and commanding even I had to glance at him.

Not that I did not understand. It was a hard thing for a father and husband to deal with during pregnancy. We did not feel the same things our wives did nor did we know when doing one thing was too much and doing another was fine. It was unnerving, and my best personal answer was to conclude my own wife would do nothing to even possibly harm her or the babe.

Wessen had apparently come to the same conclusion.

And Mari gave him an identical look to the one Ashk gave me many times before Nethin's arrival.

"I have a babe on the way, not a damned broken back," Mari growled.

"I don't give a rat's either way. You lift one thing and that'll be the end of ya, ya hear?"

"You are insufferable sometimes, Wessen!" Mari growled before positively stalking away and inside the nearly empty tavern.

Ryn and I gave the man equally sympathetic looks.

"Never mind her, I will get Mort to help me," Ana said, striding by with a crate in grasp.

Ryn grumbled to himself before reaching into the wagon and grabbing several crates of the clanging liquor before turning towards the door.

As soon as I entered the tavern, a strange wave of familiarity came over me. The smell of it was tart - as all human taverns were - and the dull noise of lack of business seemed unnerving. The wind blew in behind me and I looked to the counter.

_I glanced at the figure who entered behind the counter. Nearing me, I was only vaguely surprised as the cloak's hood was slid away revealing a human female. A narrow face shaded with dull brown locks of hair that had fallen from her tie. I had difficulty with human age, but I imagined she was mid into her second decade._

_She smiled at me as she brushed away the hood of the cloak. "My Lord," she greeted in a mahogany voice. "Would you like something to eat?" _

_My eyes looked directly into hers before sliding the freshly empty glass towards her. I noted her kind smile contract slightly and brief surprise filtered in her eyes. Still, I cared little for whatever she thought or saw. _

"Haldir?" Ryn bumped my shoulder as he passed. "Are you all right?"

I blinked. "Yes, I am fine," I replied, hearing a blustering tavern when - in truth - there were only a handful of patrons inside the small place.

"Up the stairs and to the left then," Ryn told me over his shoulder.

I nodded absently and walked forward towards the stairs.

_She tapped her fingers against the counter. "Perhaps I should show you to your room." _

I glanced at the counter once more to see an unfamiliar man walking from behind it, speaking with Ana with a smile on his face.

I shook my head, moving up the stairs.

"_Easy no– Oh, dear. I should get someone to help you."_

"_No. No. I am fine," I replied, my voice slurring as I used her to keep my balance. She barely managed to keep us both from plummeting down the stairs as she yanked me up the steps._

Feeling suddenly nauseous - a truly disgusting feeling for an Elf - I put the crates of liquor down at the top of the stairs and leaned against the rail a moment.

"_Just down this way, my Lord."_

Ashk's voice haunted me, following into the darkest places of my mind as my mind relived the night I had so securely forgotten for years. Among grief and rage, the night and the days before it had been little more than a blur.

Yet now, with a frightening speed, my mind dragged forth the memories I had forgotten for so long now.

The floor did not creak under me as I stepped onto the second level even as I heard the distinct whine of the wood deep within my mind.

Slowly I walked down the hall, forgetting the others as I looked at the doors I passed. I walked by several until I found myself standing at one in particular, glaring at the old wood before looking to the iron handle.

_She looked at me critically as I leaned on the door frame as she opened the door. "I am afraid it's not much," she said then, moving inside and lighting the nearest candle._

I reached out and touched the door handle. Slowly, I pushed it down and entered the room that was bright with the noon sun outside and empty with no fire to show.

_I heard the stumble of booted feet but, only when I clambered into her did I realize that it was I who had staggered. Managing to save us both from a jarring fall to the ground, I clutched her close mostly as a stability for myself._

_Marred with the taste of liquor and weighed too heavily by something far different, I laughed at myself slightly - not bothering to release her._

"_Are you all right?" _

_Her voice wavered in my mind, shaking away the fogs within. _

_Looking at her, my drunken smile slowly faded. Not a moment later, she shivered slightly in my grasp._

"_Are you cold?" I asked._

"_What- no," she replied quickly, shaking her head._

"_You are shivering," I mentioned._

I glanced at the door, turning and slowly closing it as the past suddenly flooded my mind.

"_You must let me go," she said, a nervous laugh in her voice. When I did not comply and instead stared at her, the smile disappeared. "Please let me go."_

"_But you are so cold," I replied, pulling her closer to me even as she tensed. I smiled slowly at her, the liquor fading and the mere grief flooding me to act such a fool. "Do not be cold tonight...What is your name?"_

_She trembled again. "Ashk," she said meekly._

"_Ashk."_

I turned, the room whirling with voices that did not exist.

_I kissed her. Long, warm, and hungry. She did not respond spite a muted moan into my mouth that made me chuckle._

_She turned her head away then. "Please don't."_

"_You do not mean that," I said slowly, releasing the tension of my hold on her. "Do you, Ashk?" _

_She said nothing. I turned her tilted face towards mine once again, taking her lips with a softer ease._

_This time, she replied and I smiled into her lips. _

I sat on the edge of the bed, my throbbing head falling into my hands as I tried to slow the memories. I tried to push them aside, to bury them once more if only for now but they raged on. Heedless of my attempt for control, my memories ruled me.

"_Wait - Wait!" I bit back a growl as I looked at her in question. She looked disheveled and in a state of shock. "I do not even know your name."_

_I sighed, closing my mouth over hers. When she tried to push me back, I managed to answer her inquire. "Haldir." _

_She turned her head away, managing to separate us. She stared at me a long moment. "I've heard that name before." _

_I shrugged slightly. "You may have." My hand trailed to her hair, pulling the tie down, her hair tumbling down her shoulders. _

_She looked more wild with her hair down. _

"_I am the March Warden of Lothlorien." _

_She jolted at this, surprise flashing brightly over her face. I felt her breath leave her quickly. Finally, she shook her head. "I cannot do this," she said, shifting to roll away._

"_Why not?" _

_She blinked at me, a quiet fear in her eyes that took me aback. _

"_...Because," she provided, making me smile slightly. She had longing in her eyes, it was her mind telling her to run._

"_Oh?"_

"_You're freezing," she said, trying to pull away from me as my touch trailed along her collar. _

"_And you are warm," I replied. I slid an arm around her as she tried to pull away again. Rolling over slightly, I peered down at her doe colored eyes."You needn't leave - I will not be cold long. Not with you here." _

_She stared at me a moment and I could feel desperation fill me. Many things could cure one of painful memories and I was hoping this simple woman was one of them. I did not want this night to be as the handful before since...since then. Since it happened; when everything went wrong. _

_Fear was still in her eyes and I vaguely wondered if she saw the fear in my eyes. The fear I felt of what this night would bring if she left. _

"_Do not leave," I said quietly. "I swear not to hurt you. I would never hurt someone like you." _

_Ashk did not reply, staying rigid as I watched her carefully. Slowly, I leaned towards her again to taste her mouth to mine. A relieving heat flushed me when she did not turn away and the tension left her as I pulled her close, my hands venturing once more._

_Muffled voices, roaming hands. _

_A virgin's cry ignored._

_Tumbling bliss._

_When the fire died away, I did not rise to refresh it. She would not be cold any time this night. __Even the chill that had rested deep in me the past several days was gone. _

A choking tension had coiled in my throat as I looked around the room. For the first time I remembered rising the next morning, smelling the scent of a woman and only imaging the whore I had managed to find in human lands.

I closed my eyes at the thought and rubbed my face over with my tingling hands.

I had never asked my wife of that night in many years. I remembered bits and pieces, pieces which I thought had been enough.

I was wrong.

I had not been gentle nor had I been patient. I had been greedy and had completely ignored her virginity - a near sin in Elven realms.

"Haldir?" a voice in the hall broke my thoughts thankfully and I quickly stood, my nausea wisping away, and opened the door.

Ryn looked at me in question.

"What are you doing?" he asked with a slight frown.

"Nothing," I replied quickly, turning out of the room and closing the door behind me as I went back down the hall without a cursed glance back.

**Ashk**

I picked up the tray again and held it steady for a moment. Then, slowly, the plate and two glasses began to shake with a tinkering ring to them. I sighed, plopping the tray back onto the counter and glaring at it.

This was ridiculous. For being the one that was supposedly coming here composed, cool, and collect, I certainly was not acting like it. In fact, I could not remember a time when I was more nervous than this in the past few years.

I reached for the tray again when strong hands suddenly grabbed me, whirling me around and yanking me into a broad chest.

I was shocked at first and frowned as Haldir clutched me to him as if he had lost me for a decade.

"Haldir?"

He did not reply for a moment and just held me. I could hear his heart racing under my ear and my frown deepened as I pushed away from him to look my husband in the eyes.

"What is it?"

He had the strangest look on his face. Nostalgic almost. Regretful and yet with some strange peace.

"I never meant to be cruel," he said softly and my frown was wiped away by shock.

"Cruel?"

"That night. Five years ago. I never meant to be cruel to you."

It took me a moment to even comprehend what he could possibly be talking about. He had shocked me so much my mind seemed to be dumbfounded for a long moment.

"Five yea..." My voice trailed away as I suddenly realized what he was speaking of. "But...You don't remember anything.."

His hands slid down either side of my face before dropping to my hips.

"I remember everything," he said, his voice a bit hoarse. "The room number, how you ended up in there with me. How I rushed you."

I tilted my head at the utter shame in his voice. "Haldir...You did not rape me. I made my choice that night and I thank the Gods every day that I did. You did not force yourself on me, don't think like that,"I told him seriously, my voice even as I knotted my fists in his tunic.

"_I should have been kinder," _he replied with a frown.

I smiled slightly. "It doesn't matter now. All that matters is what has happened since then. Our children. Could you even imagine being without them now?"

He smiled a bit then. "Of course not."

"And just think, we would not even be where we are now if that night hadn't happened," I added then, happy to see his mood lightening from it's dreary shadow. "I'd be stuck in a tavern and you'd probably be ensnared by that wench from Rivendell."

He laughed then and I grinned at the warm sound.

"You think so?" he mused, backing me towards the counter.

"Perhaps."

He made a disapproving sound and leaned dangerously closer.

The sound of haggard coughing made us both freeze. The wretched hacking coughs made my stomach swirl and my smile disappeared as fast as my husband's did.

"I should go up there," I said then, yet I made no motion as to move.

Haldir looked down at me. A deep breath filled his chest and he kissed my forehead. "We would not be here now if that night hadn't happened," he repeated softly, his words soothing over me. He looked me in the eye seriously and I nodded to assure him before he backed away and left the kitchener.

I turned, facing the tray of food with renewed determination. I grabbed it firmly and strode towards the stairs with purpose.

Halfway up the stairs, the tray began to shake again and I cursed myself as I continued into the hall.

The sound of the coughing had faded to wheezing and I swallowed slightly as I neared the door I knew my father was behind. I paused outside it for a moment, listening to my mother moving around, whispering this and that to her husband.

Biting my lip, I balanced the tray and opened the door quietly.

Inside, the curtains were drawn to shadow. A single candle was lit on the small bedside table and it gave a dark amber glow to the man who laid on the bed. Sweat glistened from his forehead and it was not just shadows that rung darkness under his eyes.

The sound of his wheezing breaths tainted the air and made me stop once again inside the door.

His beard had been shaved, giving him a foreign look to me. Since I was a little girl my father had worn a beard on his jutting face. And, even in the shadows, I could see his hair had greyed significantly in the past years.

"Put it there, Ashk," Mama told me, pointing to the trunk at the end of the bed.

I forced myself to follow her instructions, my eyes watching my father like he was some animal about to lunge at me.

Yet, I doubted he even knew I was there. His eyes were squeezed closed with every drawn breath and his face was pale. He murmured things, incoherent and mumbled his words that gave an eerie sound to the room that so readily reeked of death.

"Try talking to him," Mama said then.

I looked at her with a frown and shook my head.

"Ashk."

"Ashk..." my father repeated with a windy voice that made me jump. I was ready to flee only to notice that his eyes were not open. He did not know I was even in the room with him.

Did he?

His head turned from side to side as if fighting off some sort of pain as he grimaced.

"Never...tried...I.." He continued to mumble things and I backed away from him slowly. "Come back." In the whisper of his words I could have sworn I heard my heart break. "Come back."

I stared at him a long moment, unsure of what to feel or think.

"Do you hear him?" Mama asked softly, brushing a cool cloth against his forehead. "He does this. Calls for you in his fever. It is worst in this time of day."

I ducked my head, looking away from him.

"Come. Sit and talk to him," she said then, motioning to a chair near the bed. "It helps."

"I do not want to talk to him," I said lowly, backing away with slow steps.

Mama looked up at me with trembling eyes before she nodded. "That is fine," she said softly, but her voice was as broken as her eyes.

Finally, she put the cloth down and turned to me.

"Ashk, your father does not have much time left in this world," she told me with a terrible shake in her voice. "Will you not give him the chance to amend what he has done?"

I stared at her for a moment. "How can he amend such a thing?" I whispered, looking at the dying man turning deeply among a hot fever and a sickened body. "He can do nothing."

"Give him a chance, Ashk," Mama pled as I turned for the door. "Please." She nearly sobbed the word and I stopped, much to my own disgust. "Please give him the chance to settle his soul."

Why should I?

That was what I wanted to say. I wanted to be cold and uncaring - just as much as he had been all that time ago - but it seemed as though my mouth would not form the words.

"Just sit. Listen," my mother said softly, walking towards me and taking my arm. She led me to the chair and I sat only because my knees seemed to wobble slightly beneath me.

So, there in that shadowed room I sat. And I listened.

And I let my heart break all over again.

**Dusk**

**Haldir**

Mari's herd of children ran by me yet again as I pushed through into the kitchener. I frowned seeing Mari and Ana inside with Ashk no where to be found. I had not seen her since earlier that afternoon.

Ana glanced at me.

"Are you all right?" she asked. "Ryn said you were acting a bit strange earlier." She then looked back to the dinner she was preparing. "Not that I really take heart to it. You are always strange."

I smiled and walked to her. "You may say that, Anamel, but your mother informed me you speak quite highly of me when I am not around."

She gave me a look. "Please, get those Elf ears of yours checked, March Warden. I would not speak highly of you to a horse tail."

Mari burst into laughter and looked at me with a shake of her head. "Do not listen to that, Haldir. You should hear her– "

"Mari!" Ana exclaimed, her face gaining a red tint to it that I found most amusing before she turned away and stalked out of the room with a dish of food.

Mari laughed. "She enjoys to keep a love hate relationship with many people, Haldir. It is one of her worst qualities."

I chuckled, glancing at the swinging door before looking to Mari once more.

"Have you seen Ashk?"

She frowned slightly. "She is still upstairs as far as I know," she replied to me.

I frowned in return and glanced towards the stairs through the still swinging door.

Yet, suddenly, the door was pushed open fiercely and a man stood in it's wake. His hair was a bit wet from the snow outside while his face was red with the cold. His eyes, however, were nothing less than flaming as he glared at me directly.

"So, you're him," he said, his voice holding a grudge in it that made me frown.

Mari had turned to see him. "Mort, what has gotten into you?" she demanded and I raised a brow at the man.

"You should have told me this morning, Mari," the man growled, his glare turning on the woman.

"Told you what, exactly?" Mari said, her voice haughty and obviously annoyed.

"That Ashk was here. That her damned rapist was here as well."

"Mort!"

I straightened at his words, my eyes narrowing at the man and was satisfied when he shifted under their weight.

"How dare you say such a thing!" Mari exclaimed, completely flabbergasted by the man as Wessen entered the room from the opposite door. "He is her husband and you know better than such words in this house!"

"What is going on?" Wessen questioned, his voice low as he neared us.

"It's been five years, Elf, have you had your fill of her yet!" Mort demanded, pointing at me but not moving from his place.

"Mort!" Wessen boomed moving forward before I raised my hand to stop him.

The room fell to a silence for moment as I appraised the man standing near the stove. He was not tall, but he was broad and the fire in his eyes was enough to heat the room as it clashed with my own.

"Who are you to say such a thing?" I said slowly, my voice as deep and commanding as it was on the borders.

The man's chin lifted. "Morton, son of Moran."

"He is a family friend, Haldir," Mari said then, her voice silently pleading with me not to do anything rash for the family's sake.

**Ashk**

I frowned at the raised voices I heard in the kitchener as I came down the stairs. I glanced to the children piled on the sofa with Ryn as he told them one of his gypsy tales without pause. They had apparently heard nothing.

Turning from the stairs I walked through the dining room and to the curtained arch into the kitchener.

"He is a friend of the family, Haldir," I heard Mari say softly and I frowned.

"A damned friend of the family who wants to see you outside," added a deep voice that made my frown disappear in shock.

There was almost an amused chuckle. Arrogant at the least and I growled deep in my chest as I knew it was Haldir.

"For what reason?" he questioned as I parted the curtain to step inside.

"Rape, you bastard!"

Shocked by the declaration, I froze even as my husband suddenly had a familiar man by the collar.

"Haldir!" My voice rang in the room just as Ana came plowing through the common room door.

Haldir paused long enough to turn his head to see me.

That was all Mort needed as he threw his fist into my husband's face and his knee into his gut.

Chaos erupted as Haldir did not release the poor fool but instead drove him backwards into the wall behind him, staggering them both on the stove as Mort struggled in his grasp.

"Stop it!" Ana cried, trying to wedge herself between the two as Mort twisted under Haldir's grasp, shoving Ana away and sending her staggering into Mari. Pots and pans crashed to the ground as my sisters knocked them off of the counter in their tumble.

Wessen had managed to pry Haldir away as I rushed to Mari as she fell to the ground.

"Mari?" Wess's voice was laced in heavy concern even as he dragged my husband back.

Mort lunged at Haldir, knocking all three of them backwards as Ryn came rushing in the room.

"Mort! Stop!" I demanded in vain as the three tussled over each other in the middle of the kitchener.

Ana lunged into them once again only for Ryn to drag her out from the brawl.

Past any point of rage, I pushed away from Mari and grabbed Mort by the back of his tunic, yanking him away from the other two plummeting him. He struggled again my grip, pulling me with him until Ryn grabbed him as well, pulling him back.

"You damned bastard!" Mort exclaimed. "I'll kill you!"

Ryn pulled the hysteric man to a stand and the moment he was eye level with me my hand cut across his face. The echo of the slap dropped everyone into silence.

Mort stared at me with wide eyes as I glared at him.

"How dare you," I hissed.

"Ashk– "

I slapped him again for the sake of my sister and her baby.

"Get out," Wess commanded, pulling Mari to a gentle stand. "And we will see who is doing the killing if anything happens because of this."

Mort looked at Mari, blood leaking from a broken lip and trickling from his brow. "I did not me– "

"Get. Out."

I would know no man who would not obey Wessen in that moment. Mort was no exception. He turned to me.

"May I speak with you?"

"No," I replied stiffly. "Perhaps after I have tended to my sister and husband I will consider."

He tilted his head, his eyes shooting briefly towards Haldir before he ducked his head and turned, leaving through the swinging door. I waited until I heard the outside door open and close to look at Mari as Wess ushered her away.

"I am fine," she said, forcing a reassuring smile. Yet, in her eyes I knew the concern she well earned in her motherhood.

"You are going to lie down," Wess told her, but his voice was gentle as he led her out of the room.

I looked to Ana, her hair disheveled but her face flushed with anger before I turned around to see Haldir. That first wicked blow had left his mouth bleeding and his fists were still clenched even as he stood there.

"Sit down," I demanded, my voice taut as I pointed to a chair that had fallen to it's side. Turning to look for some sort of towel or rag, I found the mess that had been formed on the counter and floor.

Ana cleared her throat. "Ryn, why don't you see to Haldir and Ashk and I will clean this up?"

Silently I was thankful to my sister and I did not turn to Haldir's reluctant steps as he followed Ryn.

"Acting like a bunch of dogs," I growled, stooping down. "Have to piss their territory before civil conversation." I clattered the pans together as Ana knelt down beside me.

"Mort never believed you went to bed with anyone willingly, Ashk. I am sure he thought he was trying to protect you in...some way. However men think."

I all but snarled. "Never thought I would see the day a brawl would break out in this home," I grumbled. Ana nodded in agreement and we cleaned the kitchener in silence.

**Later**

**Haldir**

I did not know quite what to expect as I opened the door and entered the bedroom Ashk and I had stayed in the night before. I could conclude nothing from her behavior in the kitchener nor even at the dinner table. Everyone had been quite solemn and the ominous sound of her father's illness up the stairs was eerie to say the least.

She was walking to the bed as I closed the door behind me. When she turned to look at me I tilted my head and clicked the lock behind me.

"Are you angry?" I questioned, striding forward.

"With you?" she replied, raising a brow as she pulled down the sheets to the bed. "No."

I would admit that I was relieved. Ashk and I were two very different people and when the occasional argument occurred, it was never a pleasant sight. Arguing with her as her family was just across the hall would just make things worse.

However, I was not soothed by her words even if I was relieved.

"Who was that man?" I asked seriously.

"An old friend," she said, but she was frowning as she sat on the bed, crossing her legs under her as she turned to look at me.

"Some friend," I replied, scowling as I pulled my tunic from my belt.

"He was always protective."

"What was he protecting you from tonight?"

"You," she replied simply and I shot her a look. "And do not think I am not angry with him because I am. I'm furious, but you have to understand in some way."

Leave it to Ashk to be furious while looking so calm.

I, on the other hand, wanted my sword and a half dozen Goblins with a passion.

"He had no right to say what he did."

"No, he didn't," I replied, irked as I ripped my tunic over my head and toed out of my boots. "And if your sister's babe was hurt in any way, he will not have wonder over his words any longer with Wessen around."

"Mort would have to deal with Ana and I first."

I glanced at her to see she was serious.

She sighed then and as I blew out the candle she buried herself under the blankets. "We can talk about this in the morning."

I laid still for a long time beside her, listening to her breathe and still mulling over that idiot man earlier.

I turned my head towards the door as I heard coughing down the hall. It seemed only then did I remember that Ashk had been with her father all day and I frowned at myself.

Rolling over I wrapped an arm around my wife, pulling her back to my chest.

"Did you speak with your father?" I asked softly.

She took a deep breath. "No," she replied. "He was in too deep of a fever for me to speak to him. He just...mumbled a lot."

The disturbed tone in her voice made my dread scale.

"Do you want to tell me about it?"

She shook her head and though I felt a tinge of disappointment I said nothing more. Instead, I merely held her and silently willed her into a dreamless sleep.

But, she did not sleep. And neither did I. Not until midnight came and she turned into me, curling against my chest.

"Haldir?"

"Hm?"

"You truly remember all of that night?" she asked softly, her fingers drawing against my bare stomach with a tickle.

"Everything," I replied, stroking her hair.

She took a deep breath then as if in contentment. Her lips pressed against my skin, kissing my chest with a warm brush before she lay still and quiet.

Only then did she sleep. And as I listened to her gentle breaths, I silently relived the past that had brought us to that moment in her family's home. Every detail came to mind until I faded into dreams where I watched five years trickle by.

And somewhere in those dreams I heard the coughing illness of her father. I heard it until I woke at dawn only to a still and silent home.

- - -

Wow, that was so long. You may remember some of those memories were given away in JFT. At least we've cleared the air for the most part about that night between our little couple.

Well, was Mort the trouble maker many of you predicted?

Next chapter: Ashk and Daddy Dearest reunite! ...or not... lol! And, gasp! The return of Mort! ...bastard.

Next update: **July 24 or 25th **or maybe before then...Teh heh.

-Slater


	4. Chapter 4: The Roads of Fate

**BIG THANKS TO:**

_Miraen, Linwe Lossehelin, LJP, Lady Adolynn Mercy, Josie C, kbluesmom, radbooks, Sandy, CapriceAnn Hedican-Kocur, Julia, Coolio02, huntress73, Greywold Starkiller, Sandy, MaurauderFan4ever, snoopy-9487, anonymous, JosieC, Julia, Sandy!_

**Bah! I am SO sorry, guys! Especially to those who had to review more than once! Sandy, Josie, Julia! I'm so sorry! **

It's a good thing I stopped the Mage. If you all are wondering why I am nearly THREE WEEKS late in updating, I was called to the 'office' for this editing crap. Been there ever since. I was just now shipped my laptop. Had an issue with that too...America's laws are so confusing sometimes. Really.

So, anyway, enough of that. I really hope you all can forgive me for making you wait SO long. This chapter is 15 pages total...Whew...Enjoy!

**Chapter Four: The Roads of Fate**

**Haldir**

"Haldir."

I frowned, rolling over to reach for Ashk only to find an empty side of the bed.

"Haldir, get up."

My eyes cleared only to see my wife tugging on a heavy coat that followed her all the way to her ankles. Glancing at the window I noted it was only just past dawn. I must have slipped away to sleep again only a short while ago.

"What are you doing?" I asked.

"Giving you a cultural experience. Now get up. We need to go before all the children find out what we're doing."

I sat up rubbing my face blearily. "What _are _we doing?" I asked as she hopped around into a heavy boot.

"I am taking you coasting."

"Oh, no you're not," I replied, flopping back onto the bed.

"Oh, yes I am," she replied a moment later, grabbing my arm and pulling. I, in turn, grabbed the post of the bed and did not move despite her efforts. She sighed, looking a bit like Moriana did when she was upset, and glared at me. "Haldir! You are going to forbid me the one time I can show _you _something?"

"Most definitely," I replied and she sighed once again. I chuckled at her before rolling over.

My breath was crushed out of me when she pounced.

"Please?"

I groaned. "It is a child's sport. You said so yourself," I said, ignoring her as she brushed her fingers against the back of my neck. I could not see her of course, being smashed into the bed chest down, but I could only imagine the sinister smile on her face.

"I said for the most part. Besides, how many Elves do you know have been coasting in their lifetime?"

"Oh, I can just imagine Lord Celeborn's glee in it," I mumbled sarcastically. "Stop that," I scolded as she blew a cool breath of air into my ear. She giggled. "You are going to get yourself into trouble if you keep on," I warned.

She laughed again before kissing my cheek. "Come on, Haldir. Come out and play. If you are a really good sport you may just get some kind of reward."

I could not help but smile at her. Ashk's more _playfu_l times were enjoyable and were not rare. What was rare was for me to refuse such good moods.

I sighed, pushing off the bed and dumping her off of my back.

"All right. All right."

She grinned in victory as I moved to get dressed. By the time we were literally sneaking down the hallway as though we were a couple of children, I already began to feel ridiculous. However, Ashk's enjoyment in our minor quest brightened her face from the glum it had been in the night before. For that, I did not complain.

Once outside she led me towards a small shed and I skeptically looked around the hodgepodge of various items. The lack of organization was astounding. Piles of this and piles of that scattered and a work bench could not be seen under more scattered items.

Ashk picked her way through everything to a wall. There, she reached up and pulled the strangest looking contraption.

"This is a sled," she informed me as she carefully came back to my side.

I gave her a less than enthused look even as she beamed at me before turning and leading me onward.

"Now where are we going?" I asked.

"To the hill," she replied, not glancing back at me as she tugged me along by the hand.

A cold wind swirled at the top of the hill we reached and Ashk ducked her chin and nose into her scarf. I frowned. The last thing we needed out of this visit to her family was for Ashk to end up sick.

"Perhaps we should do this when it is warmer," I said seriously. She turned to look at me and I tugged her coat closer. "You have yet to become sick in Caras Galadhon and I do not plan on seeing you sick here."

Ashk tugged her scarf from her face and revealed her smile. "Don't worry. I used to do this all the time." Pushing herself to her toes she kissed me with cold lips. "Now, sit on that." She pointed to the sled posed at the crest of the hill.

I looked at her skeptically.

"Go on. Sit on it."

"Can I not stand?"

She seemed to think about it for a moment before tilting her head. "I've...never seen anyone stand on a sled. I do not think you should."

I contemplated this for a moment before glancing around.

Ashk laughed. "Haldir, no one is going to see you. But if you keep delaying we are going to be joined by a dozen teenagers in not too long. Just do it once."

"Just once?" I questioned, slanting a look at her.

"That is all I ask." The glimmer in her eyes was sly and though I did not trust it, I knew I could easily overcome whatever she had planned.

"All right. Fine. Once." Tromping over to the sled I sat on it.

Ashk laughed. "No, dear. Turn so your feet are on those blocks there in the front." I paused before doing so reluctantly.

Nothing happened and I looked at Ashk expectantly. "Is this where the thrill starts?" I asked.

"Scoot."

I raised a brow. "Scoot?"

"Yes. Scoot forward and the sled will move down the hill."

"Ashk," I said slowly. "You have known me long enough to be well aware I, March Warden, do not scoot for anyone."

She laughed, walking towards me. "Fine, you poor sport. Don't do it properly." She stood behind me then. "Ready?"

"For what?"

Her foot shoved against the back of the wooden sled and pushed me forward with a surprising ease. The sled skidded slightly before gliding over the snow and speeding down the hill.

"Use your feet!" Ashk called after me as the wind skimmed by, the sound of the gliding coasters against the snow underlying her.

What did she mean use my feet?

"What!"

"Oh, lean, Haldir! You are going to hit that– "

The sled began shifting to the right and directly towards a giant mound of snow at the base of the hill that had obviously been swept aside from the smoother surface.

"Lean to your left!" my wife shouted.

It was not as though I had the chance to do so. The moment her voice echoed the sled plowed into the snow mound and took me with it.

The first thing I heard was Ashk's hysteric laughing at the top of the hill as I pulled myself out, snow plastered to me and buried in my hair and right ear. Wiping it off my face, I glared at my wife who was leaned forward and clutching her sides as she laughed so hard.

Grabbing the sled, determined to see this otherwise, I stalked up the hill.

"Oh, Haldir," Ashk managed to gasp out. "Are you all right?"

I gave her a look. "Thank you for the concern," I replied dryly. Ashk gave a last giggle before throwing her arms around me.

"Don't get your drawers in a bunch. It was funny! You would have laughed at me," she replied with a bright smile.

"I would have taught you what to do before shoving you off," I replied, smiling at her glowing face. "You are a terrible teacher."

"I am not!" Ashk exclaimed, dropping her arms from my neck with a ghastly look on her face.

I laughed at her before walking towards the discarded sled.

"Now what are you doing?" she asked.

"Proving my original point."

She crossed her arms skeptically. "And what was that?"

"Standing does not make the body so cumbersome. Therefore, my dear, you can distribute your weight as you please."

"Oh, so you're going to stand and sled now?" she asked me, amusement full in her voice.

"It will not be difficult," I replied, glancing at her as I pushed the sled with my foot towards the dipping crest in the hill.

She merely raised a brow and waited.

Stepping onto the sled I pushed off the snowy ground and the coasters glided forward and down the hill with ease.

And, like I had predicted, it was much easier to maneuver the speed and direction of the sled by standing. This time, I most certainly did not end up in a snowbank and instead glided to a stop at the bottom.

Turning, I found Ashk's face a satisfying look of surprise.

She then grinned. "All right - My turn!" she called down to me.

Getting Ashk to stand on the sled a few minutes later was hard enough and I had my doubts about her going down the hill.

"I think you should sit."

"I want to try to stand at least," she replied, wobbling slightly before she grabbed my shoulders. "You did it easily enough."

"I am an Elf," I replied. "You are not quite as balanced as I am."

"I will give you that. But I am just as stubborn. Now, what did you do?"

I looked at her a moment then back down the hill. It was soft snow off the obvious track youngsters had made. She would doubtedly hurt herself on such a trip.

I smiled at her. "I used my feet."

She gave me a critical look before letting go of me. "Fine. Be like that. Go on and let me go."

I backed away and let my foot off the sled as it teetered forward. For a moment she almost lost her balance.

"Bend your knees," I ordered as she swayed.

I laughed as she began uneasily down the hill, her arms flapping this way and that to keep herself upright.

"Stop moving so much!" I called as she veered and nearly lost her balance once again. I could not help but laugh at her concentrating face and stiff body. There was no possibility she would make it to the bottom.

And I was right. A moment later she swayed forward and stumbled onto the snow. The sled kept moving while Ashk staggered before falling with a cry and tumbling down the hill and directly into the snow bank I had hit before.

I moved down the hill, still chuckling, and came to her.

"Are you all right?" I asked as she lay in the snow. Chunks of it were peppered into her dark hair. I smiled at the look she gave me before I dropped to the snow beside her. "I warned you," I told her.

She sat up then and looked to where the sled had stopped at the bottom of the hill. She turned me then. "Well, at least I almost made it," she told me, making me laugh again.

"So, what is my reward for coming out here?" I asked then, curious about any idea she may have.

Ashk gave me a sinister look before she leaned over me. "Oh, I don't know," she said, so near I could feel the coldness of her face against mine. "What would be enough to repay such a debt?"

My smile turned wicked as I tugged on her scarf, bringing her cold lips to mine. Her muted laughter came and went after a moment as her gloved hands framed my face. I shifted and groaned a second later.

She pulled away. "What?"

"Piece of ice went down my back," I replied, making her giggle before closing our short distance once again.

Suddenly, she gasped and flew back.

I frowned as she scrambled to get up. "What?"

"I forgot! Today is the first day of December!" she exclaimed, getting up and pulling me to a stand as well. "We are late!"

My frowned deepened. "For what? I cannot think of something better to do on the first day of December," I replied, locking my arms around her as she began to turn.

"Mphm- " Her words were silenced by my mouth and she gave in for just a moment, victory was within my reach, before she pulled away once again. "Me neither - But it's tradition. Come on."

"Ashk," I growled even as she yanked me behind her, leaving the sled where it was and racing up the hill. "Your debt is building," I warned her.

**Ashk**

I was in a minor state of awe as I watched Mari walk down the stairs in a timely fashion with all six of her children in tow. The eldest, Wesslem, was eleven years of age. I had been only fourteen when that boy was born to his nineteen year old mother. And the line went down to the youngest, Milly, at only two years of age in the arms of her sister Molly.

"Sometimes they remind me of ducks," Wessen said fondly, watching his family come down the stairs in an orderly fashion.

Ryn snorted with laughter before Ana hit him in the back of the head.

"Very lovely ducks," Wessen added as Mari gave him a look.

In a small parade, the six children formed a crescent in the common room before us. Mari sat down beside Wessen and, proudly, nodded her head.

Little Molly took a giant step forward and cleared her throat.

"Ahem...Today is December first - twenty-two days until Yule."

Taking a wide bow which we all clapped to, she stepped back into the line of her brothers and sisters.

Darius jumped forward and pulled a cap from his back pocket. "On this day we will play the Good People of Middle Earth and the Bad People of Mordor."

Milly waddled forward beside her brother. "Becwase we should know why wes are free."

The two took a bow and the children immediately scattered.

Haldir looked amused, to say the least. His eyes twinkled with laughter throughout the small enactment - especially when one of the children forgot a line. Wessen was beaming and poor Lyn could not sit still for the life of him.

The short quarter hour display earned a standing ovation as the children soaked in the praise.

Darius frowned then. "Mama, I am hungry." His stomach rumbled as if to second the announcement.

"To the table with you then," Wessen said, pushing himself to a stand as the children cheered and followed him.

"Hmm..They remind me of goats," Mari said, loud enough for her husband to hear. He shot her a look before he went through the door to the dining room.

"Handsome goats!" Mari called and rich laughter replied.

"Can I have a part tomorrow?" Lynile asked anxiously.

"Of course, dear. It is tradition! You have twenty two mornings left to get your addition," Mari told him with a bright smile. Lyn looked to his parents for approval and received it from both.

"Go on and eat," Ana said then. "I know you are just a-dying." Lynile grinned, shooting to his mother's side and kissing her cheek before racing off to the other room.

"Quite elaborate, Mari," Haldir noted aloud.

"Yes, well, I have only seen or done it for the past thirty one years," Mari replied with a smile. "Household tradition. We did it as children," she added, motioning to Ana and I.

"Yes, we did," I replied, tilting my head. "But I always ended up as Sauron or someone else evil."

"That is because you were Evil," Ana replied before I slung a pillow on the sofa at her. She batted it aside with a giggle. "Don't worry. The youngest have their rights to such a title."

I glared at her as she laughed.

Mari's face suddenly grimaced and she gave a minor sigh. "Babe is moving," she explained as we all looked at her. "Yesterday got him a bit riled up."

"Hmph." Ana grumbled to herself, absently knotting Ryn's hair between her fingers.

A creak on the stairs had me turning only to see Mama slowly descending them. Her exhaustion was so obvious it was painful just to see.

"Ma, did you stay up all night?" Mari asked with a frown, moving to get up before Ana waved her back down as she stood.

Mama did not reply spite a shrug of her shoulders. However, when she spotted Ana moving for her she stopped and defiance entered her eyes.

She looked at me. "Ashk, your father wishes to see you."

I recoiled at her voice. Stern and without patience.

Ana turned to look at me, as did Mari and Ryn. I, however, shrank back into the corner of the sofa.

"Ashk."

I looked back to my mother before catching a glimpse of Haldir. He was looking at me in a reluctant anxiety, but in his eyes there was a silent encouragement.

Standing slowly, I smoothed my skirts absently before walking to the stairs and following my mother's lead.

**Lothlorien**

**Galadriel**

There was a loud crash inside just after my hand knocked on the door. Celeborn and I shared a look before we heard the giggling of a child.

The door opened and Rumil stood before us, a toy bow in grasp and a pan on his head.

Celeborn stifled a laugh and I tilted my head as Rumil tipped the pan back to see us.

"Oh!" He whipped the pan off of his head and tucked it under one arm. "My Lord. My Lady." He bowed and I could barely contain my amusement as I spotted Orophin diving over the sofa inside with his nephew clamoring close behind.

"My apologies for the mess," Rumil said then, straightening and offering the open door to us.

"Never mind it, Rumil. I was merely pondering on your coping with the children," I said, carefully entering the home of Rumil and his brother.

"Oh, they are fine."

I raised a brow as Orophin pretended as though he was going to jump upward and jack knife his nephew - the boy squealing with giggles.

"Orophin!" Rumil hissed, giving his elder sibling a deadly glare.

Orophin's face positively blanched and I smiled at him as he hoisted his nephew from the sofa.

"Onduras, say good morn."

The child grinned. "Good morn, Lady Galadriel - Lord Celeborn."

"Well, good morn, little Haldirion. How are you?" I greeted, smiling at the little Elfling as Orophin removed his own helmet.

"Well, my Lady," he said carefully, a bit nervous without the guidance of his parents in my presence and the presence of my husband.

"And where is your sister?"

"In the trunk."

"Ah Ha!" Rumil laughed excessively loud as I looked at him with immediate concern and question. "He says the strangest things," the Galadhrim warden told me, his amusement so fake it reeked on his paled face.

"Where _is _Little Ana?" Celeborn asked. He then glanced around. "And Nethin?"

"Nethin is with Litia," Orophin told us quickly.

I looked between the two. "And Moriana?"

Rumil cleared his throat. "In my room, my Lady."

"Not in a trunk, I hope," I said seriously, looking between the two brothers.

"Of course not!" Rumil said then, his voice once more a bit too loud before he swallowed. My eyes narrowed on him as I was tempted to seek through his mind for my answer.

Suddenly, a very strange noise came from the long hallway to my right. Rumil's eyes widened and Orophin immediately struck up conversation with Celeborn.

Conversation about the weather.

I turned without permission down the hallway and searched through several doors - Rumil trailing me with muted dismay - until I opened a cracked door to a bedroom. Inside, Little Ana was indeed.

"Oh, Rumil!"

"I know!" Rumil squeaked in dismay. "But she cried when I took it away!"

The puppy was truly the most adorable creature I had ever seen. One ear was dark, as was a patch over it's left eye while the rest of it's furry being was pure white. A pink tongue poked out of a black mouth as it panted, adoring Ana's attention.

"Good morn," Ana beamed, grinning at me.

"Good morn, Ana," I replied, slowly entering the room. "What do you have there?"

Ana patted the puppy's squared head. "Pirate."

"Pirate?"

"Uncle Rumil said he has a patch like a pirate."

I looked to Rumil as he stood in the door. The Galadhrim cringed under my stare before I looked back down at Ana.

"Where did you find him?" I asked, slowly sitting on the trunk near her.

"The creek. He was muddy and scared."

How a dog managed to make his way into the forest of Lothlorien was beyond me, but I had little doubt it had nothing to do with Moriana Haldiriel. Her habit of calling animals was a well known one.

"Ana, I do not think Ada is going to like Pirate," I said slowly.

Ana looked at me, distraught for a moment before she looked back at the pup. "Ama will," she said, her voice so certain it made me dread her parents' return within the next few days.

She was right, of course. Her mother would like that cute puppy. With it's fluffy white fur and big, brown eyes. Puppy eyes.

"Oh dear," I heard myself say as I reached down to touch the dog. He immediately licked my fingers, his tail thumping against the floor loudly. "Well, is he not just adorable?"

"Galadriel." Celeborn's voice was stiff from the doorway and I looked up at him, drawing the pup to me and into my lap.

"Well, he is. Look at him."

The puppy wagged his tail at the Lord of Lorien.

Celeborn quickly turned away. "I pity your brother upon his return," he said to Rumil, stalking down the hall.

"Can I keep him?" Ana asked me.

Pets were not normal among Elves. The fact that my Warden's family had a cat was enough to provide gossip to half the city. A dog would surely cause chaos.

Yet, it was no law that pets were not allowed in my city. Birds were occasionally about and did not cause problems.

"You must ask your Ama and Ada that, little one," I said then, looking at the Elleth. "If you can convince them - You have earned him."

Ana grinned and the pup, Pirate, wagged his tag once again.

"We will have to keep him hidden until the time is right to ask," I said then to the young Elleth. "I promise if you ask Lord Celeborn very, very nicely, he will let Pirate stay with us until Ama and Ada come home."

Ana grinned at me before pushing herself to a stand and racing into the hall.

"Lord Celeborn! Lord Celeborn!"

**Ashk**

"Come, Ashk," he beckoned, his hand limply waving me towards him. "Let me...see you." His voice was breathless and cold to my ears even as my feet followed his command.

I stepped into the candle light and peered into his eyes. They were flooded with red and were clouded with illness. His face was flushed, not the paleness of the day before. And, as he stared at me, I frowned as my heart continued to thunder.

"I am glad you came," he rasped, reaching for my hand even as I leaned out of his reach. He grimaced, coughing briefly as his hand fell back to his side. "My poor girl," he breathed. "My poor Ashk."

I frowned further. "Do not waste your pity on me," I heard myself say lowly.

He coughed, turning his head away and sweat streaked down his face. I swallowed as my stomach turned, my nerves sizzling and boiling my insides to a sickness.

"I..carry a heavy...heart...for what I did," he said then, turning his head to look at me once more. "I am ashamed, Ashk."

"You should be." My voice trembled and sounded weak when I wanted it to be strong. Yet, as he grimaced and his eyes filled with abrupt and sudden tears I trembled. "I did not come here to forgive you," I said then, warning my trembling heart with my words. I looked away from him as I paced at the foot of his bed.

"Please, Ashk..." He coughed again and I found myself shaking my head.

"You have three grandchildren," I told him bitterly, pulling on my anger to suffocate my grief. "Three beautiful grandchildren from me, did you know? Two boys, one girl."

"...How old?" he croaked.

"Two are four...My second son is only five months."

He cleared his throat with a grimace. "You had...twins..then."

"Yes, I had twins," I growled. "Not if you would have had anything to do with it."

"Give me...a chance– "

"You did not give them a chance!" I cried, whirling on him. "You did not give me a chance! Don't you remember, Daddy? Me - That whore daughter of yours. That is what you called me!"

He coughed horribly. "I know, Ashk," he wheezed, his voice sounding as though he were sobbing when I pushed it off as his sickness.

"You don't know," I growled. "It has been five years. You could have asked Ana where I was. You could have done something if you wanted forgiveness, but you did nothing!"

"I was...so..ashamed," he breathed, sweat soaking his hair and reddening his eyes even further.

"Good!" I shrieked, losing my control. "Good! You should be." The volume of my voice dropped and I turned away from him as tears flooded my eyes. "You said you'd always be proud of me," I wept bitterly. "I was your little girl, Daddy, and you exiled me."

He did not reply as I sobbed like a child.

"A parent does not shove their children off! Unconditional love, don't you know what that is?" I demanded, pointing at him like he was a criminal. He tried to say something, but I spoke over him. "And no matter what you think - that you think I am a whore - I could never be more thankful for what I did five years ago. I want you to see that!"

I shook my head as I whirled away. I never should have come here. Not for him. Vengeance came at too high of a cost for me. I was not made for hate and cruelty, it was not who I was. And even though I wanted to _so _badly, I just couldn't have it.

Sometimes vengeance just was not enough.

"Ashk, please!"

The sob in his voice halted me at the door, my hand on the knob of it.

"Please don't go," he begged, weeping terribly as I looked back at him. "Not..again. Please." He coughed, blood spraying onto his hand and shocking me before he fell back into the pillows once more. His breath dragged into his lungs slowly, the wheezing pain tearing at me.

Slowly, I moved forward and took the wash rag from the water basin.

His blood smeared on my hand even as I washed it away. It left a great quake through my body, through my grief stricken rage, and I found myself forced to sit on the edge of the bed.

Lucius's hand took mine then.

"I am..proud of you," he whispered to me. "You and..both...your sisters." He took a deep breath, the sound of it's dragging into his lungs stinging me. "I was a cruel and bitter...fool, Ashk. ...And I...was scared. For you."

I did not look at him even as he spoke.

"Your mother and I...We.."

"I know," I said curtly, but the sting of my voice struck harder against me than him. "I know what happened," I said softly then.

"It doesn't...amend...what I did," he said, squeezing my hand. "I know that." I did not reply for a long moment. "Tell..me...you are happy," he said then, his voice desperate. "Tell me...he makes you happy."

I swallowed past my tight throat and blinked, tears streaking down my cheeks once again. "He makes me happy, Daddy. I love him."

I looked at him then to see him close his eyes, his face that one of peace for just one moment before he looked at me again. The tears in his eyes broke me and my free hand raised to push them away.

"Then...not all...was in vain," he said to me, his hand squeezing mine weakly. "I will...never..forgive myself, Ashk."

I sniffled slightly, brushing away one of his tears. "I cannot forgive you today," I said softly. "Not tomorrow either...But, maybe one day."

His chin trembled and he nodded. "That is...more..than I can ..ask for." He closed his eyes briefly before opening them once more. "I love you, Ashk," he said then. "My...little girl."

I bit my lip before my shoulders shook and my tears ran amuck at his words.

"I love you, too, Daddy."

Like I had when I was just a girl, I leaned over him, resting my head on his chest. Under my ear I could hear the sound of death taking him, and for it, I wept all the harder.

**Later**

**Haldir**

"Haldir."

I looked up abruptly to see Ashk at the top of the stairs she had disappeared above nearly an hour before. Her eyes were red and her face a bit pale as I stood, putting aside the book I paged through more than read.

She motioned me towards her and I scaled the stairs quickly to go to her side.

"_He wants to see you," _she said softly, taking my hand and leading me towards the hall.

I stopped and she turned to look at me, her eyes sending knives into me. My hands rose, cradling her face as I peered at her.

"_Tell me you do not weep from a broken heart," _I said slowly.

"_A little girl weeps for her daddy, Haldir," _she replied, her cold hands resting over mine. "He wants to see you," she repeated.

After a moment I nodded and she led me to a plain door before leaving me in it's wake.

A man on the bed turned his head and looked at me.

I recoiled at the sight of him. Death hovered like a shadow under his eyes and the sound of his breathing scraped my ears without mercy.

He cleared his raw throat. "Come closer," he said quietly.

My chin lifted as I moved forward, determined to face this man in light of my wife and not the pity and anger I felt for him.

His eyes, a murky hazel, appraised me without tact. Yet, when I would have perhaps taken offense to it before, I did not now. I was his daughter's husband, an addition to his family, and I was in the place of being appraised and judged.

I knew this only because I dreaded the day I would do the same for my daughter.

He coughed, a truly disturbing sound, before he looked at me again.

"Haldir O'Lorien," he said slowly. "I have...heard of you."

I bowed slightly under the eyes of my wife's father.

"I regret...we nev..never met before...this," he said slowly, measuring each breath and each word.

"As do I," I replied, keeping my distance from the sickly man.

He coughed again for some amount of time and I shifted slightly. However, my discomfort passed as he eased again.

The sight and smell of the blood on his lips made my eyes fall to the floor. I had considered calling a healer from Caras Galadhon within the past few days. However, it was the wise voice of the Lady of Light who warned me against such things. Mortals came to death by all walks of life, and when it was their time by the Gods we had no choice but to let them go.

Her words had left a chill in me I could not shake for some time.

"Ashk ...needs to be...happy, Haldir," he said then, not looking at me but staring into the ceiling. "She needs to always...be happy." His eyes shifted to mine again. "Will you promise...me she..will be?"

"I can promise that," I told him steadily.

He nodded. "And...when you break...each other's hearts...will you not seek..to mend them both?"

"I will," I replied, drawn closer by the man's waning voice and thick accent.

"Marriage, Haldir, is ...one thing. You know this." He looked me in the eye. "Love...is something...different. Something...more important. Do you..understand?"

"Yes, I do," I told him, knowing he spoke to me - an ancient compared to him - in such a way because he was a father before he was a man. And a father's love knew no age and no one could be too perfect, too wise, or too successful for his daughter.

Everyone was not good enough.

"Good," he breathed roughly. "Will..you take...care of her?"

I smiled slowly and only for a brief moment. "As much as she will let me," I told him.

The man smiled with a throaty chuckle. "You know her...very well." His heavy eyes looked to me a long moment before he nodded. "Go now," he said then, turning his head away. "Bring in...my family."

I nodded, backing away slowly before turning and leaving the room quietly.

Ashk, her sisters, and her mother stood outside the door. They all looked so solemn it was heart wrenching for that moment I looked at the four. Silently they walked by me into the room I passed out of. My hand brushed that of my wife's before she walked by and closed the door.

I paused a moment before turning for the stairs silently. Ryn and Wessen were sitting in the common, silent and dreary.

A short time passed before Ryn shifted and glanced at me. "Did he talk to you about love and marriage?" he asked, his voice quiet in the already silent room.

I nodded.

Wessen's hand clamped on my shoulder and I looked at him.

He smiled even past the grief deep in his eyes. "Welcome to the family.

**Evening**

She still stood at the window where she'd been for the last hour as I entered the room once again. I could see the reflection of her face in the glass and I bit back a sigh.

Ashk's father had died that afternoon. It was a strange thing, that silence that fell even over the children at that very moment. Then, the healer Jarhel had slowly come down the stairs with a shake of his head; his silence telling those of us down stairs the news.

The children had been confused and it was a painful thing to see Mari and Wessen trying to explain to them what had happened. The older ones knew, but the younger...Staring at them had been like seeing my own children.

Death was such a vile thing.

Ashk had fallen silent in that hour, no tears racking from her as her sister Mari. She did not even take after Ana who had turned into her husband for comfort. Ashk had only sat in the common quietly before taking her leave to her former bedroom.

I approached her quietly enough now, yet made enough noise to alert her of my presence if she did not already know.

"I used to stand here sometimes when I was younger," she said then, surprising me with the cool resignation in her voice. "When the days are clear and the snow is gone, you can just barely see the Misty Mountains. To a girl with big dreams, those were like a constant reminder of something better. Better than here in this place."

I stood beside her, drawing a lock of her hair behind her rounded ear.

"If he would not have exiled me, I would have stayed here. If he had accepted my children, I would have stayed in this place. Lie about the father to my children. Perhaps he died in battle. I had already thought it all out before I even went to my father."

Her words were painful to hear. To imagine what she would have done - that I never would have known my own children while completely forgetting her as well. It was a dark thought, but it was so possible all that time ago it still stung.

She frowned then. "But he didn't accept them. I was put out on my own." Her voice trailed before she looked at me. "And I found you. It was the only thing I could think of to do. You were an Elf - commanded by honor. ...Yet, I never would have gone to you if Daddy let me stay."

I said nothing, unsure of what roads her grief was taking her down.

"I suppose we owe him what we have now," she said softly. "Each other. Nethin. Our home."

"I suppose we do," I replied just as quietly. "Fate has many turns, Idril. You were given one of the hardest."

Her eyes flickered down at my words before she looked back out the window. "Mama wants to see the children." There was question somewhere in her voice and I smiled sadly.

"Then we will send word for them," I told her.

She nodded and I watched as tears misted her eyes.

"Ashk." What I commanded of her, I did not know. And even though I hated to see her cry so, I knew she had to. She'd held her tears through the afternoon into the evening.

Her hands moved to cover her face before I took them in my own and turned her to me.

And though it crushed me, I let her weep without any way of soothing her.

Death was such a vile thing...

**Morning**

**Ashk**

"That is a lot of packing for a short ride," I said, startling him as I spoke.

Mort turned from his horse to see me. He cleared his throat and looked away then. "Bit further than a short ride," he replied, his voice low as it always was when he was upset about something. He glanced at me again. "I was sorry to hear about your father, Ashk."

I bit my lip feeling the prickle of grief for a moment before I nodded. "Me, too."

I strolled forward and walked around his horse. He was a strong sorrel gelding. He sniffed at me in question and I smiled, my hand placing on his warm muzzle.

"Where are you going?"

"Gondor."

I nodded. "Back to your family, then?"

He nodded in returned, his eyes avidly avoiding mine.

"Mort."

He paused what he was doing but did not look at me.

I sighed, a puff of air coming from my mouth in the cold morning. "Tell me you are not leaving because of what happened the other night."

"I disgraced myself," he said then, his eyes finally lifting to mine. "And you. And your husband."

"You mucked everything up pretty badly," I agreed. "You should not have said those things to him. None of that was true."

"Five years of anger," he replied softly. The sadness in his voice drew my hand to his cheek.

"I know you think he forced himself on me, Mort, but he didn't." His eyes lowered even as he turned into my hand. "I love him. He is a wonderful person and we have three children. Mort, you should see them. They are beautiful."

He looked at me. "Then they take after their mother, Ashk."

My hand dropped from his cheek slowly and he sighed slightly, catching my hand in his and placing it to his chest. "I always thought you would come back."

I shook my head. "My home is far away from here now, Mort. With my husband and my children."

He looked at me a long moment before letting go of my hand.

"Then I should be happy for you."

I peered at him as he paused.

"Perhaps one day I will be."

He turned towards his horse and as the years of friendship suddenly seemed taut between us, I pulled on his coat and wound my arms around him. It was a familiar, friendly embrace that had supported us both many years before.

And now.

"Stay safe," I told him.

He nodded, drawing away. He mounted his horse, looked down at me with the sun bright behind him, then turned and rode away.

I watched him go a moment before the wind coiled around me and shivered down my body. One last look at the man who was the boy I once knew, I turned and walked towards the home of my mother.

**Two Days Later**

**Haldir**

"Look at you! You are just so adorable!" Eira cooed to Onduras, the Elfling giggling at her attention and praise.

I shook my head with a smile. Yet, to see the woman smiling and laughing was a wonderful thing. The burial of her husband had only been the day after his death and she'd looked so miserable.

Now, in what Ashk explained to me as the first of the four winter festivals, she looked almost happy.

Ana was currently dancing with Nethin safely in her arms. The motherly look she was beaming Ryn was obvious.

Ryn, beside me, sighed as he glared into his drink.

"Thanks," he muttered. "Thanks a lot."

I laughed, patting him on the back. "You will truly thank me in the morning," I replied causing the Gypsy to give a sinister laugh as he drank the remainder of his ale.

Huge bonfires kept the chill of the night far away from this little village. And, though the occasional glance was passed my direction, it was nearly a comfortable place to be. Spite all the noise.

"_Ada, may I go with the others?" _Onduras asked, pointing to several of his cousins waving him to join them.

I smiled and nodded. He grinned, leaping off the table he sat upon to join the others as they dashed off with Mari.

My eyes moved across the chaos of dancing humans to find Wessen twirling Little Ana around, much to her glee.

"You have a fine family, Haldir," Eira said then, looking at me warmly.

"I like to think so," I replied as my wife suddenly dropped onto the bench between Ryn and I.

"Oh, no dear," Ana said then, gently shuffling Nethin into my grasp. "We have a tradition keep up with. We have requests."

"No - Ana! You didn't!" Ashk exclaimed even as her sister grabbed her by the hand and hoisted her up.

"I did. Come on now!" Ana replied with a grin. Ashk gave me a look before she was dragged between a cheering crowd.

With intrigue I watched as many of the younger women of the village joined together amongst the people.

"Mari!" Ana shouted, waving her elder sister to join them as the musicians strummed the first of their strings.

Mari rushed into the group of women as they giggled among themselves as they gave into an obviously well known dance. Turning and spinning and running into each other clumsily, they all seemed to generally know what they were doing spite the few who were intoxicated.

Young girls, daughters, suddenly joined their mothers. I smiled seeing Moriana rush to her mother only to have Ashk pull her into her arms as she danced alongside her sisters. Mari's four girls joined as well, following in the dance they apparently knew.

When the elder women joined, a cheer erupted. Eira joined her daughters and grandchildren and it was a truly warm sight to see.

But, as I looked at my wife and daughter, anyone else faded away. Ana was giggling as Ashk smiled at her, twirling among the other women with wise steps under her feet. And though I knew she still felt the grief of her father's death, I could not help but see she had found some sort of peace among these people as well.

And, for that, I drank to the twisted roads of fate - where ever they may lead.

_The End_

Well? I hope no one is disappointed. I am pretty happy with how this one turned out, actually. As you all can probably guess, the next installment will be titled: Scallywag. Heh. Haldir + Dog...Hmm...I think we can all just imagine a bit.

Once again, I'm terribly sorry for the delay. I love all of you! In fact, I was bragging on you all and how you can improve a writer's skills at the company last week. No one believed me...but their loss. You'll just be my secret little weapon, heh!

Love you all! Until next time!

-Slater


End file.
